I’m in love with my best friend and idk what to do
So I (M19) met him (M19) 4 years ago but we didn’t get close until January of this year. We have spent a lot of time with each other, and I’ve grown to have a very strong attraction toward him. He’s a very touchy person, and he’s done some questionable things that blur my perception of him. I figured that he was straight because he’s only talked about women, but he always makes gay jokes and always talks about intimate things with me. He’s only received oral from women but is still a virgin. Despite this, he makes jokes about him and I having intercourse or me giving him oral. when we would hang out, we would always sit on the couch together, and he would move closer and put his leg on my leg. Around March, we both decided to go and visit another friend’s college and one night he let me get in the bed with him. The bed was very, very small so we were very close to each other. He let me lay on him and he kept blowing me kisses. We even laid down right next to each other and people put his legs on top of mine. We were kinda cupping and he didn’t have a problem with it. He’d rub my back and get all touchy and stuff and I’d just let it happen. Then he’d start rubbing my legs like out of nowhere and I was so confused. Since we got back, we haven’t talked too much about it, but he always makes jokes about what could’ve happened that night. Last weekend we hung out again and he would always try and compare our height so he would stand face-to-face with me and look me in my eyes. Then after it would get very intimate, he would step back like it never happened. Then moments later, he would slap my ass as a joke, I guess???
I fell in love with him because of the type of guy he is. He’s caring, sweet, considerate and intelligent, but he keeps giving me weird signals and I know I’m probably just a desperate gay, but I’m not sure what to do. Obviously I want to be in a relationship with him, but I find it really hard to read him.
I’m so easy.. I know.
What should I do??