u/peachyginge

I've been going to therapy for a while now, and realized my mom is an emotionally immature, narcissistic parent, and it's brought up a lot of memories and things I have to work through.

When I used to live with just my mom (for about 3 years), she went on a health craze at one point and cut out caffeine for 6 months. She has drank coffee my whole life, and said she would never ever quit, so this was a shock.

Now when I think back on that time, I remember how she became a completely different person. She was relaxed, calm, stopped being so judgemental and critical, actually listened to me and stopped making everything about her. I stopped having to worry about her moods controlling everything, about saying the wrong thing that would set her off. I started to genuinely enjoy being around her, and felt our relationship get better.

Then I came downstairs one morning and noticed she was drinking a coffee. I asked why, as she had said that she was never going back to coffee again. Said she had a small coffee at lunch with a friend, and realized how much she missed it. I didn't really pay attention to my feelings at the time, but this crushed me. Because I knew what she was like on caffeine, and that I was never going to get that version of my mom back.

Years later, our relationship is worse than ever. She drinks so much coffee now, and drinks it first thing in the morning on an empty stomach (the worst). She cannot control her emotions at all, is extremely anxious, and if I dare to bring up lowering her caffeine intake I'm met with hostility.

I know what caffeine does to me, and how it changes me and makes me feel. But it's a whole different experience when you see how it affects a loved one. I wish it wasn't so normalized :(

UPDATE:

This was my hair on a GOOD day before my current routine: https://imgur.com/a/dHEzAjm

It was crunchy, stiff, rough, no curl pattern, poofy, and itchy. I promise the hair in my current pics is soft, shiny, light, and fluffy (in a good way), and to me that's a win!

Edit:

Sorry this post came off as confusing; I love my hair as it is right now, not looking for advice (although it's welcome). I should've posted a picture of what it looks like when I don't use this routine (flat, super frizzy, absolutely awful looking). I've been experimenting with products and routines because I couldn't get my hair to curl or be soft/shiny with this amount of damage. This routine and these products have really helped.

Background:

Haven't gone to a salon since buzzcut/barber cuts
Not attached to hair, have had waist length hair and buzz-cuts multiple times
Cut and dye my own hair at home (yes I know it's not even, doesn't bother me)
First bleached whole head 1 year ago

Virgin Hair:

Color: Copper/Ginger
Texture: Fine
Density: Medium (2)
Porosity: Low
Curl pattern: 2b - 3b

Hair Now:

Deep-fried ramen noodles that fell behind the stove and have been left there 2 years 🍜

💀 - This hair has been bleached with 30 developer 5+ times, permanent colored with red, brown, pink, and toned blonde. She gets trimmed every 1-2 weeks

💩 - Bleached about 3-4 times? I think? also permanent dyed with above colors multiple times and also toned blonde

😵‍💫 - Roots bleached once with 30 developer, then toned with 10 developer and T18

Products/Routine:

I do all of this every time I wash my hair, which can range from every 3 days to once per week.

Moroccanoil Light Treatment (silicone-based oil) - Okay it's the only product not from a drugstore, but I've had it for 3 years and almost done. Will be switching to ogx bond protein repair oil after. 6-8 pumps on dry hair before washing, brush through with detangling brush.
OGX Bond Protein Repair Shampoo - Palm full, massage thoroughly for 2-3 minutes. Rinse with warm water.
OGX Bond Protein Repair Pre-Shampoo - Works better after shampooing. I'll squeeze out as much water as I can, then use my microfibre hair towel to remove even more so the product doesn't get diluted. Apply palm-size amount everywhere, comb with wide tooth, leave on for minimum 5 minutes. Rinse with cool/cold water.
John Frieda Violet Crush Hair Mask - Apply palm & 1/2 amount everywhere, leave on max. 5 minutes. Rinse with cool/cold water.
L'Oreal Glycolic Gloss 5 Minute Lamination Mask - Apply slightly less than palm size amount, leave on for 5 min. Rinse with cool/cold water. Wrap hair in microfibre towel while getting ready.
OGX Bond Protein Repair Serum - Remove hair towel, apply 6-8 pumps everywhere with just fingers at this point.
Marc Anthony Repair Bond Defrizzing Smoothing Cream (450°F heat protection) - 4 pumps applied everywhere with hands.
Water in a spray bottle - I re-wet hair at this point, I don't know if it matters but I feel like the first 2 products get absorbed better when my hair isn't soaking wet. I just like the results better this way.
Herbal Essences Curl Boosting Mousse - Big handful (dispensed for about 3 seconds). Apply on top, back and sides first, then apply everywhere else.
Bounce Curl Brush (actually a knock-off from Amazon) - Brush hair, then flip head over and fluff with fingers, then flip back to normal and I'll usually do "lazy" curls where I'm not trying to create perfect ringlets (which I can), I just brush from underneath when forming curls/waves. Scrunch scrunch squish squish.
Let air dry for about 20-30 min, then diffuse on medium heat medium power, and this is the important part for me: Only point the diffuser toward my scalp, never scrunch upward with it. I'll flip my hair forward and side to side for a bit more volume, just always aiming the dryer toward my head because I don't like frizzies.
Check if need a trim. Before I scrunch the crunch, I look at my ends and if they're fuzzy I'll use hair scissors to cut the fuzzy parts off.
Scrunch the crunch with #1 again (4 pumps).

Because I leave each product on for so long in the shower, I run out of things to do so I have a dish brush with dish soap and just scrub/clean my shower while waiting. I also play music so I can kind of guess how long a product has been on based on songs.

Caffeine completely changed my mom

How I keep my ramen noodle fried hair soft and shiny with drugstore products 🌟