AGP partner: help processing?
My fiance is an AGP. I've known this basically since we've met and I've been okay with it (and not just okay. I love who he is). I've had forced-feminization fantasies and so meeting my partner was this amazing combination of somebody I felt sexually, romantically, and platonically compatible with.
I realized quickly that he is (was?) a selfish lover. Every sexual encounter redirected to his fantasies and desires while I was left largely untouched. But, we had sex on a near weekly basis & I enjoy giving; he also insisted that he was deeply attracted to me and always wanted somebody like me to do these things with.
In time, all sexual things have dropped off. At first I told him how it affected me to be untouched. I felt like I spent more time feminizing him for sex than I did feminizing myself so that I could be a presentable woman in society. He realized this as well and so backed off. I tried to tell him and show him how to please me... And he shuts down with any conversation about sex. "Thank you for telling me," he says. Or, "I'm sorry I cause you so much distress." But I rarely get insight into what's actually going on. It's like he realized his fantasies hurt me somewhat, and in shame, he's gone totally cold to sex and romance.
Now we are careening toward a dead bedroom. I am left reeling and wondering so many things: is he attracted to men, and not women? What have I done wrong? Was he ever attracted to me? Is he no longer attracted to me bcs we've been together for years, and I'm "old hat"? Have I not "upped the ante" enough? I would still be with him even if he was transgender; we've even tried hormones before.
My partner is an absolutely wonderful partner to me and I wouldn't dream of leaving him. He is my best friend and I am "in it to win it" with him. He cares for me deeply and strives to show me this on a daily basis. I have a safe place in his heart... But this attraction issue has really had me in knots.
I'm posting here bcs, well, I'm sure many of you reading will understand the stigma. I'd like to understand a sampling of mindsets regarding romance and attraction when one is an AGP. How can you reconcile being attracted to yourself AND another person? Is there space for another person to fit in there? Is a romantic partnership with another person even a "thing" when you're fulfilled by yourself? Are you fulfilled by yourself? Is it possible to have a paraphilia and a low sex drive?
Thank you for any insight.