I just want a clean room and an uncluttered mind.
I have been unemployed for 2 years. Had to take a break due to physical health reasons first, and then my mental health issues caught up to me. I have tried to declutter and clean my room multiple times during this period, but somehow i never end up having a room that i feel relieved in.
I think the major problem is i don't want to do anything. I just never thought it would come to this - i feel like i had so much potential, so many interests, and everything sort of fizzled out. I just want somebody to give me permission to lay in my room and not do anything, not look for a job, because i feel so fragile and the feeling has lasted for so long. I was doing great at my job until i left, and i just dont want to go back to being so stressed and burnt put, but i also dont have any desire to do or learn anything. Reaching out for mental health support (have ADHD and depression) hasn't helped much because of limited access to professsionals no access to prescribed adhd meds, and i am tired of trying.
I just want to throw away everything and start with a blank slate. But i also know i will regret throwing a few things because i dont want to poke a bigger hole in my savings if i need them again (endless loop, i know). I know i have valid reasons to feeling tired because of various things at home, but i feel like i am not trying enough.
I just thought i would know how to handle this better at 31F, and not get so worse. Im sorry, this might not be the right place for it but the posts in this community make me so happy and i'm so proud of everyone who is trying and making progress (or not).
I just wish i could unfuck my room, and life. But i just don't know what to do anymore. I have read countless advice and books, and actually made progress too, but just stuck again and again. Also not having accessible places to donate stuff has been a roadblock with things i already decluttered, but i guess i just have to give myself permission to throw them away.
I haven't been there for anyone these 2 years (mpstly isolated from toxic dynamics and then didn't have the energy to explain my situation to anyome irl, also maybe started to experience empathy and caregiver fatigue, and just surviving doing the bare minimum), but i guess this is me putting something out there to hold myself accountable (or a cry for help?).
Sorry for being a downer and typing a long ass post. Will try to muster up energy to move or declutter a few things from now.. and will try to forget about how long it took me to be here, and maybe count this as the start line. The time has passed anyway, and i can do nothing about it now.