My solo Vacation made me realise how lonly and single I am
Im 29, just finished my Master-Thesis and as a reward I am on a all-Inclusive Vacation at the canary Islands on my own. It great, The weather, the food, just chilling,reading sleepi g and doing nothing.
But there is one thing that kills my vibe a little bit, Im surrounded by couples, Familys etc. As Im Single all my life it makes me feel kinda lonly having noone to share experiences like that with. Dont get me wrong, Im happy for them, but there is just this sting witch hurts from time to time.
I have been on some Dates and had some Situationships, but never experienced healthy Dating or a healthy relationship on my own. At the age of 16/17 I dated a girl for a year, but it was constant drama cause she had a Boyfriend. So there was a adrenalin-rush after adrenalin-rush . So until the age of 26, I hunted for girls who give me drama, just to feel the same Adrenalin-Rush. I thought this means Love which was bullshit. After the last Situationship , I started to reflect on myself, understanding why I search for Situations like that. It took me around two years to work all of this out, but I did it. At the same Time I realised Something Else : I got no experiences with healty Dating and while others my Age getting married and moving together I am stuck feeling like a dumb Teenager missing key experiences. From time to time it happens that a Girl trying to dance with me at a Rave, but even in this non sober Situations im missing the confidence to act. Instead my brain starts spinning until the girl gives Up and moves away.