Did I do enough?
Hello Friends
I am 1.5 weeks from a mushroom ceremony in the Netherlands. It was with 15G truffles - I don't know which kind but it was a retreat place that has been around for many decades so I think it was probably very pure. It was AMAZING. I met God, felt ONE-ness, separated from my ego, experienced God's love and sadness with the world. Immediately afterward I felt as if I were two: my Consciousness and my ego. And that lasted for several days. I felt connected. I felt calm and was able to think before I spoke (new for me). I felt "awakened" in a sense and I could understand easily philosophical texts and writings that I previously struggled to understand.
However, over the past 3-4 days things have gotten harder. I no longer feel a clear separation. I feel like I am functioning as ego often. I feel some sadness now as a result. I feel it's harder to concentrate again. I still feel kinder toward others, but am struggling overall with the sense of having to return to my "normal" brain. I had read stories of people overcoming anxiety and depression but I feel mine creeping back in.
I am not sure if this is to be expected, or if my dose was too low (I hope not, since I don't want to do another ceremony - it was amazing, but I don't think I need any more lessons when I have learned THE lesson; we are all ONE, but is that what it takes to heal my mind from anxiety/depression)? It doesn't help my menstruation just started so that further confuses me.
For integration: I have a therapist, doing yoga, journaling.
Would love to hear from the hive mind :) Was the dose too low or is this a normal response and my expectations are too high?
I have considered microdosing as well.