u/pinkyelloworange

Obviously we’re on a cycle of 3 years but there are certain Sundays that I like more than others. Sometimes the readings are particularly well placed, connected to one another, make sense given the time of the year/previous Sundays, etc.

For example I really like the the reading about the ressurection of Lazarus when it comes up in Laetare Sunday. I also really like all of the readings in the Easter Octave (ik technically not a Sunday but still).

Do you guys have particular Sundays that you really like? Any ones that you particularly dislike? Why?

When I was sort of “deconstructing” my catholic faith a few years ago I found it a very strange experience. When you look at your beliefs and ask which ones make sense and which ones don’t it’s usually not as easy as chucking out bad ideas and keeping new ones. You feel that some “glue” is missing and are trying to make sense of things (at least I did). I feel like I’ve “built” over the years just as much as I’ve deconstructed.

Have any of you experienced this? If yes what have you “built”/constructed?

For me personally, amongst many things, I’m a militant universalist. Not hopeful (anymore than I’m hopeful that the ressurection happened), not apologetically, not as a side belief. Universalism is at the core of what Christianity means to me.

Very “therapy speak” post incoming. If you’re triggered by that kind of thing pls don’t engage.

I feel really hurt when people are invalidating to me. Like… I’ve decided to trust you!

When somebody does that to me (especially somebody close to me and/or somebody in a churchy setting) it really sets me up. I feel like it shakes me up psychologically in multiple ways.

One way is my sort of epistemic trust in myself. I usually believe that it’s fine to validate your own feelings in your internal monologue, that they’re meant to be felt and experienced and you can’t force them out you just need to respect them and that being kind to yourself and others is the best way to manage difficult emotions. I also believe that I’m usually decently “good” at this “dance”. When somebody makes it clear that they don’t share those beliefs I find that really jarring and I stop holding those beliefs firmly and it really impacts on my ability to self regulate for an embarassingly long amount of time.

To cut a long story short a tiny thing like that happened in a churchy setting with somebody whom I trusted. And then it happened multiple times in bigger ways in different settings. And now I’m wondering (as I often wonder in those kinds of situations) if God is like that. If God also secretly thinks that I’m just being a pussy. If God shares my beliefs on those things or not. I already find it really hard to pray and now I’m finding it even harder because everytime I think that maybe there’s a truly kind being who is hearing me and cares all I think about is “You’re just pathetic for thinking that.”

Eu sunt plecata in afara de la 14 ani cu mama. Intre timp mama s-a intors in Romania atunci cand eu eram in anul 2 de facultate.

Am terminat acum facultatea si urmeaza sa incep sa muncesc in august. Si am realizat in mod profund cat de putin o sa trec pe acasa de acum inainte.

Chestia asta ma rastalmaceste grav. Stiu ca o sa sune patetic dar nu imi pasa, nu mai pot de bocit. Ma apuca una doua. Pana acum am putut mereu sa ma intorc acasa in vacantele alea lungi de facultate. Acum… maxim 2 saptamani pe ici pe colo. Cel mai tare ma doare faptul ca o sa fiu departe de parinti. Absenta din tara in sine e cumva remediabila. Poate o sa ma intorc totusi intr-un viitor distant. Tata are 70 de ani si e vai de mama lui cu probleme de sanatate. Nu stiu cat mai are. Iar eu am minim 7 ani de rezidentiat intr-un caz fericit.

Simt ca mai am atatea lucruri de facut prin tara pe care nu le-am facut. Iesiri la munte cu prietenii din copilarie (nu se mai poate. Ei deja lucreaza), in vama, pur si simplu la o cafea si o “tigara” (desi eu nu fumez). Dar din nou astea totusi se pot substitui si in afara cumva. Parintii nu.

Cei care sunteti plecati pe afara… cum va descurcați cu sentimentele astea?

I’m starting a full time real adult job for the first time in August. I am absolutely filled with dread.

There are multiple things that make me worry. I have mostly had a really bad time on placement as a student. I enjoy the actual studying and I mostly enjoy talking to patients but the actual environment of a ward I find simultaneously demotivating and really hard to “suck up to”/I’m not good at office/ward politics. So I’m worried about not liking the job itself but that’s only a small part of it.

What I am most worried about is that I’ll have to move very far away from home/my family. 80% of that is my parents. What do you mean the most I’m going to be able to see them is 2 weeks every 17 weeks if I’m lucky? That thought breaks my heart. It’s also the physical aspect of home. I moved away when I was 14 (long story) but used to come back every summer. Certain parks, streets, people… I keep coming back to these things and I feel at peace. I’ll never get this back. I feel like I’ve wasted it all over the last 23 years and I have so much more left to do here. I wish I could walk the same park alley with my father every night, after every long shift and I’d be… happy. But I’m never getting this again.

I know that I’m lucky to even have a job. I just want to be a little girl forever. Or at least I want to be an adult 80% of the time and be able to return home to my Mommy 20% of the time. I want to be able to have dinner with them. I want to be able to spend summer evenings on the patio with them. I wish there were a way (I know that there isn’t) to stack 4 of my leave weeks in the summer and spend every June with them.