Feeling guilt for wanting to divorce my “nice guy” spouse.
TLDR: How do you deal with the guilt of initiating divorce when the relationship, “isn’t that bad” compared to others? Especially when children are involved.
No abuse, no violence, no infidelity - just emptiness.
Background:
To the outside world, my(35) husband (40) is the whole package - smart, kind, good job, good looking, etc. He’s a great friend, but I just feel as though he isn’t right for me.
Ever since our child was born, our marriage has tanked. The imbalance of household chores and parental duties became evident. Not uncommon.
But my biggest issue is with the emotional connection - or lack thereof.
My husband never wanted to get married or have kids. I did. He changed his mind. We got married. But as the relationship progressed, it has become clear to me that he didn’t get married because he WANTED the same goal as I did (marriage, kids, etc). To me, it seems as though he got married because he didn’t want to lose me.
It feels like I have to drag him along to keep progressing in the relationship. There’s no initiative on his part. I’m the driver, he’s the passenger. It’s like being on your dream vacation with a moody-bad attitude-teenager that’s just moping along.
We’ve done marriage counseling. My husband will say the textbook “right answers.” But the words seem empty. I know the therapist can tell - just based on the push back.
I know he loves me - in his own way. And I feel enormous guilt, because I know that my little one will be impacted the most if I initiate divorce. Part of me feels like I should just suck it up and deal with it for the sake of my little one. My therapist says that’s not the best idea. I just want everyone to be happy - my little one, my husband, and myself.