4 year old NK hot and cold with me
I've been nannying for my current family since the 4 year old was like 18 months. I started when Mom was pregnant with baby #3, who is almost 2 now. The 4 year old is really more like 3 and three quarters but her birthday is soon so rounding up. Even before I nannied for them, I babysat on weekends and evenings. So she has known me for YEARS.
And I understand that this is largely a thing of her feeling safe with me to have big feelings but bro, I gotta say...her hot and cold behavior with me makes it So hard to continue to bond with her? Which sounds awful.
When I first started, she would cry when I would arrive for the day but she was under 2 and obviously associated me with Mom and Dad leaving. We eventually got past that and she would be excited and happy to see me. When the youngest was born, I worked so hard to make her still feel special as the middle child and I gave her lots of attention. She was supposed to start half days with public preschool when she turned 3 but the school didn't have space. So she stayed home with me, which had been fine and fun and we did activities and went on outings. We still do those things but she also now thinks we should be going to places every day and then will determine that something like the zoo or storytime at the library "isn't fun" and she wants "to go somewhere fun".
She also CONSISTENTLY tells me that she wants me to leave, she doesn't want me to be here, she doesn't like me. And then when it's time for me to leave for the day, it's "nooo don't leave" and then she asks for me over breaks and weekends. Lately she's been going and banging on Mom's door because she WFH and she never used to do that and then I'm in the awkward position of having to be the villain and pull her away from the door and she hits and scratches me and won't let me console her and then mom comes out and gets her settled and that doesn't fix the afternoon. She cries when Mom goes back to work again after but she will literally cry the entire time if Mom DOESN'T come out either.
I know it is PURELY an association of when I'm here, mom and dad are not but goddamn, it is demoralizing. And getting hit or scratched by a preschooler is far more triggering to me than when an under 2 does it. Under 2 doesn't know better yet, they're still learning. Over 3 absolutely knows that it's not okay.
Like she's napping right now and Mom put her to bed because she was having a meltdown about wanting to see Mom before lunch again and I am trying to wake her up because they're actually trying to phase out naps so she can only take short ones as needed but I am DREADING her waking up and having another meltdown because Mom went back to her room to work some more. I basically need the jaws of life to wake her up early from nap and if it were up to me, I wouldn't be limiting naps at all and she'd get one daily but she struggles at bedtime and it's not my call.