u/polyproblems4me

So I am in a trouble/triad. It's myself {F31}, my husband {M34}, and our girlfriend/wifey {also F31}; it happened fairly organically (connected of FetLife and met in person to see about chemistry but at least to be friends since we lived in the same town).

She works from home, he has his own business he runs from home, and I have a part time job. Originally, she worked into the evening, and I applied for a job with hours that would only have me out of the house for like 2 hours after she gets off. She got her hours changed the day after I accepted my position to now getting off 30 mins before my shift starts and I have to drive 50 mins to get there. Apparently she had put in to get her hours changed like two weeks prior to my acceptance but never told me.

So with my job taking me away from the house, and my sleep schedule being slightly different from theirs, him and her definitely get plenty of time together where they can do whatever they want.

But apparently I have to schedule any time I want intimacy with my husband. GF will literally make it so she can walk away from her computer and RUN to the room she hears me moaning in (I try very hard to be quiet cuz she also deals with phone calls).

If we stop when she comes in the room she gets upset cuz she thinks we don't want her in the room and don't find her attractive (I don't understand how when we are all over her when she isn't working). Then let's not talk about how insecure I got when she was implying they fucked while I was gone but he said they just made out and cuddled (I wouldn't care about them fucking but I don't like the two different stories shit cuz it makes me feel like they are sneaking behind my back)

It has gotten to the point I am loosing sleep trying to satisfy my needs alone in the living room til 4am and still not achieve said release. It's been over a month, and that was when she was house sitting for family.

I'm at my wits ends and just want to give up. My self depreciation is telling me that I don't deserve it, and my therapist (who is NOT really familiar with poly, but is the only therapist I can afford atm) says to schedule times.... Is that really the only solution? I want to set boundaries but every boundary I come up with in my head just sounds like a rule or so specific it's absurd.

My (F31) gf (also F31) recently was out of the house for 9 days. She has a work trip then house/pet sat for her parent. While she was gone, I obviously did the house chores cuz I'm not a complete slob.

I also cleaned her office, like really good.

She's been back home for 3 days.

She's mad that I keep loading the dishwasher, running it, and emptying it.

There are a total of 3 adults in our home, and we like to cook from scratch (including baking). So dishes can stack up quickly. Plus we only have like 8 spoons total so if we all have soup, pudding, or ice cream, the dishes have to be done before we can enjoy anymore.

She keeps saying I'm messing up her routine. I get that but I feel like that doesn't warrant the cold shoulder I get and the hateful attitude I've been getting.

Her "routine" was running a single cycle of dishes on the days she works. So it would take almost all week to catch up on what we used over the weekend and, more times that once, the sink would begin to stink.

Am I not understanding something? Is there something I am missing?

All 3 of us adults are neurodivergent if that matters. Tbh I feel like alot of this is irrelevant but I'm sharing anything I can think of that would be possibly relevant