u/pontypoolzz

i look at my past (anorexic, 13yo🤦🏼‍♀️) self and i’m thinkin “wow she was so cool! she had so much control!” (better yet she could get away with it, because no one cares if a fat girl st@rves herself am i right heheh)

like, it’s so embarrassin to go from controlled, to a hungry grievin mess! really does numbers to your self esteem, and makes you crave the past, even if it was shit! like why is anorexia NOSTALGIC? plus, in my little immature child brain, im also embarrassed that i was too big to ever get the chance to be considered underweight!

i make fun of my 2024 self for bein such a crybaby over food but i’m not that different from her now. i still wanna die over food. it’s too much for me. :( this journey is consumin my teen years and makin them SUCK!!!!

*i apologize for bein so redundant in this subreddit. but i got no one else to talk to :( *

I’ve noticed that whenever I’m on my period, my stomach turns into this sort of bottomless pit. I just want soo much more food, and nothing really hinders the feeling. I find myself eating all throughout the day (suppose it’s more overeating rather that binging). Though I doubt I’ll do anything to stop it because I really don’t believe in punishing my body for doing something natural, like menstruating, especially when these SUPER heavy urges go away soon enough. I definitely don’t want to LOSE my period again, you know. :,) Anyways, cheers.

16f + ADHD (which I‘ve heard increases chance of developing BED). Been dealing with binging since 2024. But this summer I tried something out, being Ritalin. I took 15mg on Wednesday at 4pm and I had no binge. I was able to just eat normally, which is a horrible challenge during evening hours atm (used to be an early morning binger, but somehow it often switches). Yesterday I didn’t take Ritalin and you guessed it, I binged! I guess this may be happening because in 2024 I weaponized Ritalin, Focalin and Adderall in order to forget about the existence of food, so I’m super dependent to the point I realized that I only eat when the medication has worn off/haven‘t taken it yet. So what should I do? Do I stop taking the meds or something? I’m super scared of doing that because I simply can’t stay away from food whenever I do that. Do I take more? But that’s hard because I don’t have an infinite supply. Idk, just wanted to talk about this weird cycle I’m in right now. Cheers.