Using an international village
In 2020 I decided to be child-free after extreme pressure from my mom to be married and have kids. I had been a caregiver for my younger siblings and aging family members for my whole life.
After going to therapy and living for myself, I started feeling like I missed out on the chance to have had a family. After that period of regret, I fell in love and got engaged.
Over the past year I’ve started to feel that I might be excited to have one child. However I’m terrified of the potential things that can go wrong, which has always kept me afraid of committing to motherhood.
My fiancé is from a totally different culture than me, we met while studying abroad. We’ve planned for his mom to come stay with us for 6 months in my home country, to care for the future baby.
His mom is planning to retire after we have the baby. She has also offered to bring the baby back to his home country, to be raised with family there for months at a time.
When I first talked about this with my fiancé months ago, I felt like he was crazy. But the truth is, my top fear of motherhood is losing my mental and physical health.
My fiancé and I could save substantially for our child, and rely on his family to help us with childcare. It would allow us to immigrate more easily, and build a life for our small family.
I wonder if being Childfree for 5 years helped me maintain an open mind about childcare and having a village. Nothing is set in stone, and I’m keeping an open mind. Allowing myself to picture a version of motherhood without sacrificing myself completely.
His family is also very stable and have supported our marriage financially as well as education costs. They’ve already offered to help us with the cost of the child and associated transportation and housing for our child.
I feel since they’ve given us such a stable lifestyle that allowed us to plan for a child, they also should have the chance to enjoy the baby as well