u/prateek_34

I was peacefully listening to “TT/Shut Down” #tbsm diss track , in my room at full volume, completely lost in the music. Then I got up for literally TWO minutes to put oil on my hair.

Came back… and my dad was standing in the room.

He just looked at the speaker and went:
“…What kind of song are you listening to these days?”

The beat was going absolutely insane at that exact moment too Can’t quote the lyrics here for very obvious reasons ☠️ just know it was TT , and Calm was spitting .

I don’t even think he understood the lyrics but somehow it still felt like I got caught committing a crime.

Luckily Calm’s flow isn’t exactly “calm,” so it’s hard to understand ☠️
But imagine if it was Encore’s Shutdown part instead… it would’ve been MY shutdown for sure 😭

But anyways Then he just silently walked away.

No lecture. No reaction. Nothing.

Somehow that made it 10x worse.

We grew up in a generation where pain was called “discipline.”
Teachers could beat you, parents could beat you, relatives could humiliate you, and you were still expected to stay silent because “they are elders” and “elders are always right.” Nobody cared what a child was feeling. Mental health was treated like a joke. Bullying was called “normal.” Trauma was called “character development.”

There was no internet, no awareness, no safe space to ask for help. Most kids just learned to survive quietly. We were taught respect before self-respect. Obedience before understanding. Fear before communication.

Now, when we finally reach our 20s and try to build relationships, suddenly the world tells us marriage is risky, people cheat, trust nobody, be careful. And at the same time, society says we must become emotionally mature get marry.

And now, when we finally become adults the age where people start having children society suddenly talks about children’s mental health everywhere.
Now people say, “Kids are not always wrong.”
“Parents should understand their emotions.”
“Teen mental health matters.”
“Listen to your child.”
“Don’t traumatize them.”

And all of this awareness comes after we already grew up without it.

Now society says children are not always wrong.
Parents should spend time with them, understand their emotions, protect their mental health, and take responsibility for how they grow up.

If a child becomes aggressive, depressed, emotionally damaged, or lost, people now ask:
“What were the parents doing?”
“Did they listen to their child?”
“Did they create a safe environment?”

But back when we were kids, it was completely different.
If you made a mistake, failed in life, got bullied, became emotionally closed off, or developed trauma, society blamed only you. Nobody questioned the parents, the teachers, or the environment around you.

Back then, children were expected to “just deal with it.”
Now people finally understand that a child’s environment shapes who they become.

The painful irony is that this understanding arrived after we already grew up without it.

I don’t even know if this is immaturity or something else, but I’ve been depressed for a long time… like since 2011. I try to do better, I really do, but it feels like something inside me is just permanently broken.

Growing up, I never felt loved by my family. Society always came first for them. Image, people, what others think everything mattered more than how I felt. I got a lot of shame and even bullying from my own parents. That stuff doesn’t just disappear. It stays in your head.

I want to share one small thing that happened recently, but for me it wasn’t small.

I was growing a plant for six months. Not for fruits or anything, just as a hobby. I watered it every day, took care of it, watched it grow. My grandma was alive during that time, and somehow I connected that plant to her. After she passed away, the plant started blooming. It felt meaningful… like something was still alive, something was still connected.

I decided to move it into a bigger space because the pot was too small. I put it in the garden. I was genuinely attached to it.

One day, my mom came and just removed it. No conversation, no asking. She planted some vegetable there instead. My plant was just thrown to the side like it didn’t matter. There was space everywhere else, but she still took that spot.

I can’t even explain how that felt. Six months of care, attachment, meaning… gone just like that. Like it was nothing.

And this isn’t just about a plant. This is how it’s always been. My feelings never mattered in this house. Not once. There are so many stories like this.

Now I feel this constant anger inside me. I don’t like loving people anymore. It feels pointless. Somewhere deep down, I feel like I don’t even deserve to be loved.

And the worst part? I know it’s not entirely their fault. They were raised like this too. It’s a cycle.

I’m 26 now. I’ve been earning since a young age. On paper, things look fine. But inside, everything feels like it’s falling apart. I just want to cut everyone off and disappear sometimes.

The depression is so heavy that I started drinking just to numb it. It helps for a moment, then everything comes back worse.

I don’t even know what I’m expecting by posting this. Maybe nothing. Maybe I just needed to say it somewhere, because keeping it inside is getting unbearable.

Thanks for listening ❤️