r/MidTwentiesIndia

I 26M don't have any good clothes. I have no proper sense of fashion. You wouldn't believe it but i literally only have 3 sets of clothes. 3 jeans and 3 t-shirts, 0 shirts.

I think this is more because of my inability to spend money. But i am trying to change that. Also every time I buy something I regret it because it does not fit me well even after trying it out or the movement feels uncomfortable. And feel good clothes are expensive. I am very indecisive. My brain hangs when deciding what to buy.

Please give some advice, i really want to fix my dressing sense. I never thought of this as a problem. But now looking at other people my age, i feel like i should do something about it. I want to utilise this sale season properly.

WARNING: Long read

Let me take you back to 2019 when I was already in my 2nd drop year with JEE failed 4 times by getting 6 digit ranks everytime. With this score even Amity wont take you. So to avoid 3rd drop year I took admission in whatever college I was getting on the basis on my 12th marks and took mechanical branch because that along with Civil branch were the only 2 branches available. Took mechanical because my father is a mechanical engineer too and he told he would help me with academics as I had low concentration and attention problem(which later turned out to be ADHD-PI). My mental health was lowest at that time because I had failed JEE despite my full efforts and my school friends had moved ahead in their life and here I was selecting colleges and branch. I deleted my insta account and went nearly went underground. In school no one talked to me. Literally. Not exagerrating. No one talked to me. I had no friend. No one bothered to talk to me too. I hated going to school because I didnt know what wrong I was doing. I used to watch countless videos on conversations, socialisation but all turned to be in vain. School getting over was the best feeling ever and I promised myself I'll never ever keep contact with these a-holes.

So with 2 year drop, nuked mental health, social anxiety, undiagnosed ADHD, I took admission in that college. To my relief my batch had less than 30 people as I disliked people. My anxiety flares up wherever there are a lot of people. It was as if God decided to ease my anxiety issues by slowing putting me in a small group. The college was absolute shit by academics, placements, exposure, infrastructure etc but for me it was best fit - in the outskirts of the city(peaceful vibes), low batch strength(less people, less anxiety). I never bothered about fests, outings etc and this college had none which again proved to be a blessing for me.

My batchmates were from lower middle class areas of Delhi, UP and Bihar. In fact my now best friend who is from a small village of UP didnt know what PS5 is. Such were the batchmates of my class. But their heart was of gold.

My first "therapist" was a Jaat guy who used to board bus with me. Like typical introvert I never made the first move to talk to him but eventually after some silent meeting he finally broke the ice and in a typical haryanvi accent asked my name, told his name, where he lives, where I live, branch etc. I was so happy at that moment that finally someone talked to me after soo many years. Since I was always the first to reach our boarding point he asked me to call him whenever I reach so that he can also reach before bus comes. I was surprised and slightly annoyed by his request and thought to myself "Am I your personal assistant?" but then I thought the other way that this might be an opportunity to call and talk and maybe this will help in overcoming my anxiety so I said yes and without fail I used to call him. Initially I was shit scared and nervous but slowly my anxiety eased. He was from CS and I from mechanical.

Then comes my legendary batchmates, the most infamous branch. By seeing how loud and rowdy they were I was repenting my decision but those delusions were soon proved wrong. Unlike my school people who treated me like a ghost my batchmates were actually very nice - they gave me their food(all were day scholars), I gave them mine, they invited me to bunk college with them which I did only once, and played volleyball with them. Since I was the topper of my batch they all used to bombard me with their calls for last minute studies. Frankly it was overwhelming and most of the times I never picked their call. But overall it was such a satisfying experience as I was feeling like a normal human and people whom I can proudly call "friends". During exam time they used to pester me for showing them answers which I happily used to do and after exam they used to thank me for showing them the answers. I was finally getting noticed and years of ghosting.

During covid time, one of them made a group with a few batchmates to play Among Us via Discord and I was in that. See how privileged I was😆. Though I used to speak less and was constantly encouraged to speak more. I tried but only with partial success

I loved going to college and seeing their faces. Probably it was the reason I stopped taking my anxiety and depression meds because I wasnt depressed anymore and learned there is nothing wrong with me. I still continued my ADHD meds though. That silent environment, lovely faces, everything was finally going right after years of negligence. Like God decided to personally come down and help with my social problems by selecting the college and handpicking the students

Everyone liked me in my batch and was told to become CR(Class Representative) of my batch but I declined as I wasnt completely over my anxiety issues, I had only begun tackling it. It was 2nd or 3rd year I guess

Finally it was Farewell time, with 4 years having passed in 4 seconds. I didnt attend my farwell because I knew I wouldnt stop crying if I went there so to save myself from embarassment I chose not to go.

I graduated in 2023 and still keep in touch with my friends and regularly send memes in my group. They dont react but I dont care. They were there for me when I was at the lowest and it was because of their first move I was able to open up or else God knows what would have happened if I had similar fate I had in school.

Thanks for reading

I’ve been thinking about something about myself and the way I’ve lived my life.

As long as I can remember, I’ve been a very quiet and withdrawn person. In school, I was the weird, quiet kid. I didn’t really talk to people or have friends, and I never participated much in class. I would often just look at the clock, stare somewhere, think about random things, and wait for the class to end so I could go home.

Even outside school, I didn’t really do much. Most children would go outside and play or develop hobbies, but I never really did any of that. I didn’t draw, play a sport, or have anything I was particularly interested in. At home, there were often fights, so I mostly stayed by myself. I think I’ve lived a very isolated life for a long time, and eventually I became used to it.

What bothers me now is that I never really questioned any of this. I never stopped and thought, “Why can’t I focus in class?” or “Why am I not talking to people?” or “Why am I not developing any interests?” I just accepted it as the way I was.

The same thing continued throughout college. I never developed a habit of studying consistently. I would mostly study right before exams and get average or sometimes bad grades. I couldn’t concentrate on someone speaking for an hour because I had never really developed that ability. I also struggled with communication and socializing, but instead of actively trying to improve, I mostly avoided situations where I had to do those things.

I think I’ve developed a very strong habit of avoiding effort.

And I’m realizing that this has affected almost every area of my life. I haven’t consistently worked on my English. I haven’t kept myself updated with what’s happening in the world. I haven’t developed many hobbies. I haven’t really explored what I like or what I’m capable of. There are so many things I don’t know simply because I never made an effort to learn them.

Sometimes I feel like I’ve become empty-headed because of this. I don’t mean that I literally have nothing in my head. I mean that I haven’t built up the knowledge, experiences, interests, skills, or confidence that I see in other people my age.

And now I’m 25, and I’m becoming painfully aware of the gap.

I also feel like I’ve spent a lot of my life just letting things happen to me instead of actively participating in my own life. I’ve had setbacks and difficult experiences, but I also know that I’ve used avoidance as a way of dealing with things. I’ve become so used to doing nothing that even when I have time and genuinely want to change, I struggle to make myself do anything consistently.

That is what scares me the most.

It’s not that I don’t know what I should be doing. I know. I’ve known for a long time. I’ve told myself these things hundreds of times. I know I should study, read, improve my English, develop hobbies, socialize, stay informed, and actually make use of my time.

But knowing hasn’t changed my behaviour.

I’ve had the last eleven months with a lot of free time, and I keep thinking about how much I could have done during this period. I could have learned so much, developed skills, read books, explored hobbies, improved my English, or simply become more engaged with life. Instead, I’ve spent a lot of that time doing very little and scrolling.

So I think the real problem isn’t that I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I’m very aware of it.

The problem is that I’ve spent so many years living passively that effort, consistency, curiosity, and participation don’t come naturally to me anymore.

And now I’m realizing that if I keep living this way, I’m going to keep getting older while nothing fundamentally changes.

I don’t want to spend the rest of my life being the person who stays quiet, avoids things, waits for life to pass, and then regrets not having participated in it.

I think I need to learn how to actually participate in my own life.

I used chatgpt to frame my words properly :/

Hey guyss.

Lets share some positivity. Share your achievements or anything good about your life.

Happy Saturday!!

I have seen most of them 90% of a guys and few section of Girls being single for various factor..

Sab itne single hai toh … ek dusre ko date kyu nahi karte???

It goes like…
If someone was already in a relationship before broke up due to various reason… they aren’t wiling to date again

And people who actually want to date are not getting the chance to date .

Something is really wrong and there is huge mismatch!!

So I'll be meeting a girl whom I matched with on a matrimony site in the next weekend. Our vibes, family values are matching and I really really really want to take this forward and call her my soulmate. We chatted and talked on video call before finalising our meet and I have fallen in love with her. Being from mechanical engineering which is known for having no women, this is my first interaction with a woman(I was an introvert in school and I opened up after I started college). One of my non-negotiable is that she shouldnt have any past because I dont have too and I dont know how to approach this topic to her without making her feel uncomfortable. Kindly help me out on here.

Thanks

I've never been to cinemas and idk why it shocks people, I was never allowed to visit cinema as a child due to possessive parents and later it became a habit.

But now i feel like i should at least experience it once.

So what should i watch?

I do like romance movies but not the bollywood romance, something like Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind.

Greetings everyone, just a small question it is, but it basically decides how the search will go, guiding along the definition of a relationship with its foundation

I will go first

1. Someone working on her careerI always wished to be strong, and working hard on my career was one of my main goals. I wish to explore and experience a lot of things, building things and solving problems.

2. Someone who I am attracted towards, physically, mentally, and emotionally Beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder, and yes, I wish the flower that is blessed in my garden remains cute to my eyes for life and ahead :)

3. Someone who wishes to have a family of her ownGrowing up, I had that dream, of having a family of my own, to become strong, so they feel safe, to age with someone who desires to be with me as much as I do and someone who desires to have kids out of love.

---

I am still on the path of working on my career and myself and hence this is the best time I consider finding someone, to grow together with.

I understand, the women who I desire to be with, are very busy, and definitely not much active on these subs cause they aren't looking for 'marriage'

So do I. But at the end, it's how much you want your dream to become true. The dream of a relationship maturing to a marriage, a shared commitment.

I am aware the experiences men and women shared here, people acting non serious, unaware of their own preferences, just drops trust in some way, but I wish you the best guys.

So I get these random thoughts of dy*ng. Not exactly being suic*d*l but Like if I had a gun, i would point it at myself and go away without hesitation if it meant a painless exit or if i was in a life or de*th situation, i would incline myself towards de*th more.

I don't exactly see the point of moving forward. Tired of all the hustle towards building wealth and anxious about the responsibilities i have or will have. Being alone all the time, i feel like a robot just doing the things i am supposed to do.

Then i think what if for some reason i am unable to do these things anymore like if i get in an accident or get amputated, what next then. Back to being a dead weight ? Then there's more reason to go away ?

A few days back, while traveling I saw a guy who looked pretty normal but on a closer look, I realised he didn't have hands. He was eating with whatever we had and looked genuinely happy.

Then it made me think, how does this guy have more willpower than me. What is making him continue ? It looked like he also just came from his work. I am all right physically. But why am I mentally messed up ? Why do i even have this thought process ?

I don't have any negativity towards disabled people and I feel good that they are happy but it is just me that my willpower (which already seems weak) to live would have been completely shattered if i was in their place.

I deeply apologise if i offend anyone. Just wanted to share my feelings with someone. I just want to feel normal and look forward to life and get away with these thoughts.

I have freewill no one is giving me instructions anymore. But i am clueless now. Maybe i am used to being a slave and following instructions. I pretty much did/doing my best in doing what a responsible person does but then what next ? what are my next instructions ? And how long will I keep following instructions ? When will I experience long term peace and happiness on my own ?

Not looking for feedback, i know it will be the generic hit gym, travel around, make friends, keeping busy etc. Tried and doing all these things and it helps to some extent but nothing that works out fully. These thoughts come again.

But if you relate to this and somehow made it out, I would really love to hear your story.

I mean why people got to be so heartless and cold ? It was our 2nd date , everything seemed fine the entire time. The moment i left her and boarded the local train i stopped getting her messages. Later at night she said she has exams and wants to focus so bye. If she isn’t interested then she could have said it to me straightforward. Whats up with these excuses.

My friend has decided to meet a man she met on reddit and he's for sure a fraud. The guy has no short coming apparently he is v patient, well behaved, kind well spoken and well to do. Also he told her he was really good smart looking and 6 ft tall, physically fit too. Doesn't drink doesn't smoke nothing bad. But this is all what he's told her none of this is verifiable and now he's asked her to meet her. Mind you, she has not yet seen him. Plus he is ready to travel for like 2-3 hours just to meet her. Dude has added her on ig on a burner account. No pfp, no followers, no bio nothing he follows around 80-90 accounts though and says he likes to maintain a low profile, which I think is BS.

My suggestion to her was to not go n meet this guy but she thinks I'm overthinking this. Please tell your opinion as to what you think?

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Freaking health problems has taken over my life to a point I feel like my life joy has been taken away. I'm not able to prioritize and feel the urgency of my life goals and this feeling of awareness and clarity. I just don't feel conscious like you know in the moment. I don't feel like sharp and fast as before as if my mind is lagging. I feel so bad that anxiety is mixing with it because my mind feels glued to the problem and I'm just sick of it. I don't know how to fight and overcome it.