Please read this, not too sure what is happening
I don’t knkw what flair to add but I feel like I’m crazy and im really scared.
I don’t know much about either depersonalization or derealization but my psychologist said I have similar symptoms when I last saw her. She said she thinks it might be stress induced but I haven’t been stressed about anything more then usual, I had a really rough time with mid exams (im still in school) but that was ages ago and it was happening in really small periods before.
It kinda started bad when I started birth control but I stopped that after the first week as it was making me manic but I’ve noticed that ive kinda had some symptoms before that such as not feeling real or like not knowing who I am.
I have autism so I’m not sure if that factor kinda influences the not understanding who I am but I just don’t know what im supposed to compare myself to, to know what I’m actually feeling and I feel like I keep having to tell myself im real and alive.
Im really scared about this and I don’t feel real, like I can talk and do stuff but it’s not me doing it and I feel like I can’t actually make any decisions fot myself. I can’t describe it i dont even knkw whag im feeling and it makes me feel like throwing up all the time. It feeling like im viewing everything through like one of those GoPro videos and everything looks small and I can’t think straight, for example I sat a test on human bio (my best subject im the top of my class and I don’t find it hard, averaging around 80-90%) and I ended up getting a 53%, I studied everything we had learnt in class and it felt like an easy test like I wrote so much for each question and I felt like I fully understood everything being asked. The same had been for my other subjects but I wasn’t as worried coz I don’t try as hard for those ones but it was still a drastic decrease.
I don’t know if those are even the symptoms but at this point I don’t even know what my symptoms are im just writing this hoping im getting what I’m feeling right. I don’t feel like myself, im not usually a very emotional person it’s usually just masking from being autistic and I handle things very well but i feel like I’m in someone else’s skin or like broken or like something is missing and im so emotional and won’t stop crying.
I’ve written all this but I don’t know how I have I don’t understand anything or how literally anything works like not just reading but I don’t understand the foundations or how to be alive or see or how I am here but not being all technical but just nothing makes sense and I don’t understand what things are (being from music, furniture, organisms, minerals) and I don’t understand how im writing this this doesn’t feel like me
Any answers wpuld help, even if it’s not an actual answer but I want someone to respond so I knkw someone real has seen this