u/prettysoul5

So, I know my dad had a porn addiction. I’m not sure if he still has it. I don’t think so, but I think that, with all the medications he’s taking, it’s probably hard for him to get it up. I think about it sometimes and just feel disgusted. I don’t even know how to process it.

I remember I used to see his search history of it when I went looking. There was a time when he left it open on his phone on his bed, and I was with my brother. I tried to hide it from him. He’s bought lube and just leaves it in the medicine cabinet or his drawer, not trying to be secretive at all.

The most disgusting thing to me is that he watches extreme transgender porn. I’ve seen magazines of it in his closet as a child, and I’ve seen it in his search history. On Facebook, he’s followed transgender porn stars, probably by mistake. I also remember being at his job when I was a child and peering over into his cubicle and seeing him on a porn website, watching very aggressive porn. I’ll never forget the woman; she had a bob. I was in lower elementary school.

Now that I’m laying all of this out, it’s clear to me that my siblings probably know about it too if he’s watched it this much. We’ve obviously never talked about it because he’s our dad. But during quarantine, when I was 12, my mom brought it up during a screaming argument with him. She basically exposed him to us for masturbating in front of her and watching porn at night. I just remember my soul leaving my body and feeling absolute disgust.

The craziest part about all of this is that my dad is a conservative African man, which goes against all that he’s doing.

Anyways, I’m an adult now, and I’ve found myself wanting to experience sex like any normal young girl. But I feel very little pleasure from sex or masturbation. I think the only thing I really enjoy is turning on my male partner. I find myself moaning and overplaying my pleasure because it turns the guy I’m with on, while I’m really feeling nothing.

For example, the other day I was on the phone with my boyfriend and we were having phone sex. I wasn’t really turned on or in the mood, but I still played with myself and showed him because I liked the feeling of getting him off. I felt like a porn star, which I didn’t like. I don’t even like nor watch porn. We also do this very often

I want to experience pleasure more than anything, but for some reason, I never have. And if I do, it’s very faint or only lasts for a couple of seconds. I honestly don’t really know what a vagina feels like when it’s very sexually aroused.

The only time I’ve felt good sexually is in my sleep, and not even from sexual dreams. Sometimes, completely randomly, I’ll feel what I think is an orgasm when I’m asleep. It feels very good, and my whole body shakes. It’s a mystery why it only happens when I’m asleep.

Anyways, is there any connection between my dad’s porn addiction and what I’m going through?

So, I know my dad had a porn addiction. I’m not sure if he still has it. I don’t think so, but I think that, with all the medications he’s taking, it’s probably hard for him to get it up. I think about it sometimes and just feel disgusted. I don’t even know how to process it.

I remember I used to see his search history of it when I went looking. There was a time when he left it open on his phone on his bed, and I was with my brother. I tried to hide it from him. He’s bought lube and just leaves it in the medicine cabinet or his drawer, not trying to be secretive at all.

The most disgusting thing to me is that he watches extreme transgender porn. I’ve seen magazines of it in his closet as a child, and I’ve seen it in his search history. On Facebook, he’s followed transgender porn stars, probably by mistake. I also remember being at his job when I was a child and peering over into his cubicle and seeing him on a porn website, watching very aggressive porn. I’ll never forget the woman; she had a bob. I was in lower elementary school.

Now that I’m laying all of this out, it’s clear to me that my siblings probably know about it too if he’s watched it this much. We’ve obviously never talked about it because he’s our dad. But during quarantine, when I was 12, my mom brought it up during a screaming argument with him. She basically exposed him to us for masturbating in front of her and watching porn at night. I just remember my soul leaving my body and feeling absolute disgust.

The craziest part about all of this is that my dad is a conservative African man, which goes against all that he’s doing.

Anyways, I’m an adult now, and I’ve found myself wanting to experience sex like any normal young girl. But I feel very little pleasure from sex or masturbation. I think the only thing I really enjoy is turning on my male partner. I find myself moaning and overplaying my pleasure because it turns the guy I’m with on, while I’m really feeling nothing.

For example, the other day I was on the phone with my boyfriend and we were having phone sex. I wasn’t really turned on or in the mood, but I still played with myself and showed him because I liked the feeling of getting him off. I felt like a porn star, which I didn’t like. I don’t even like nor watch porn. We also do this very often

I want to experience pleasure more than anything, but for some reason, I never have. And if I do, it’s very faint or only lasts for a couple of seconds. I honestly don’t really know what a vagina feels like when it’s very sexually aroused.

The only time I’ve felt good sexually is in my sleep, and not even from sexual dreams. Sometimes, completely randomly, I’ll feel what I think is an orgasm when I’m asleep. It feels very good, and my whole body shakes. It’s a mystery why it only happens when I’m asleep.

Anyways, is there any connection between my dad’s porn addiction and what I’m going through?