how to cope with partner's previous attempt at opening the relationship?
hi, some context
me and my s/o have been together for, well, 5 years now, this is our first relationship, and things are going relatively fine, but lately i feel like things have just slowed down a lot -- and suddenly, i'm fearing.
about a year or so into our relationship, my partner wanted to try to open up the relationship because they wanted to be able to explore more of themselves and try it, but didn't want to lose me.
me being completely monogamous and never even thinking of the prospect was, well, terrified. i thought that the one love that i had for someone would just treat me as an option. i have never felt anything for everyone the same way i have felt for them.
so, initially, i reacted very emotionally. i said that "fine, you can go talk to other people, but i'm not talking to you until you're done exploring yourself", which ended in them basically admitting that they only said that just so i could want them more
which, fine. okay whatever we were young and stupid. fast forward, we're still together by 5 years, but they still insist on identifying as poly
and i think this is where my fear is lying in. i feel like that desire years ago is still prominent, and i feel horrible thinking i might be barring them off from a life they might be happier in. i feel so competitive against no one and i constantly feel like upholding this threshold or average just so they can keep liking me.
how do i get over this problem? it's been bothering me every now and again every year or so, but it's just so much stronger this time with all the poly relationships i see nowadays. help