I just miss my mom so fucking much.
It’s about to be 7 months without her this week. I don’t know if it’s because I haven’t been taking my meds everyday like I should, or if I’m just at a point in my grief where it’s starting to really feel real and permanent. But it’s been a really hard few days for me. I’ve done so many new things in these 7 months, I’ve seen so much, and I’ve dealt with so much and all I want to do is talk to her about it all like I used to. I still talk to her every day, but obviously it’s not the same.
I want her advice, I want to talk things out with her to help me figure things out, I want to hear about her day, her gardening, the people she cleaned for. Recently I’ve been in a few situations where I’m like… wow, I wish I paid closer attention to what she used to tell me because I can’t remember to save my life. She taught me so much, and I feel like I didn’t retain any of it. I wish I had asked more questions. I wish I had written things down. I thought I had decades left with her until one day I didn’t. She was fine until she wasn’t, and then I had one month with her and it was too late to ask questions and too late to write things down.
Anyways. I love her. And I miss her so fucking much it’s unbearable.