u/qualitative_variable

hi, i’ve been drawing w copics for a while but still feel like a beginner bc i have only gotten consistent recently. (it has brought me sm joy lately 🥹)

i am studying fashion, and most ppl i see use either colored pencils, a blend of pencils/alcohol markers, or watercolor paints. at least at my level, i feel a bit limited using just markers, esp for different effects and details, but don’t rly know how to start incorporating colored pencils. ty for reading :-)

long story short i [22f] was diagnosed several years back. i’ve changed psychiatrists a lot bc of moving. one psychiatrist didn’t seem to dx me or explain, but casually mentioned avoiding meds that would increase my “mania.” the next one officially dxed me, i don’t remember well but she said smth like i have a mix between bipolar 1 and 2. when i have looked this up i find nothing, so my understanding is she meant i mostly have severe depression + hypomania, but i have also had a manic episode before. my current psychiatrist is great, when i started seeing him a few years ago he didn’t think these episodes were severe enough to be considered mania. so he dxed me as bipolar 2. i don’t want this to b too long but i’ve been to a bipolar support group lately and am suspicious abt my experiences maybe being mania

summary: i have a lot of other mental illnesses and was shocked by bipolar dx, so im still figuring out how it affects me, so here r examples: i’ll refer to them as hypomanic episodes. they last months, i impulsively move (states) all the time. start uni, drop classes, start a new job, quit months later. hypersexuality, having so much energy but not being able to focus it on productivity or anything good. spending every dime, impulsively asking for money (like for necessities) to spend on smth else, driving over 100mph WHILE online shopping lmao and feeling like i can’t get hurt.

rly unsafe relationships w men way older than me who give me dr*gs, but don’t feel worried bc its thrilling even though ik they r manipulating me. zero concern for my physical health/emotionalsafety, if it ends and i get hypomanic i crave the same thing. got engaged and moved in super quickly. when i was younger i had periods of where i would st*rve and exercise a ton/chug energy drinks bc i felt untouchable, etc. lmk what u think. i will not be offended at all if this isn’t mania, i just want to understand + try to heal. ty for reading:)