u/qupiiqu

i constantly feel ashamed at some point in life too much,

sometimes when i go out i wear most charterless clothes and hide my face and tattoos.

i constantly feel ashamed and dominated unless i dominate people.

and i feel disgusted at myself evertime i cover myself with persona.

ive heard lots of people saying 'people dont care about u so be comfy'

i dont agree with this idea, people are constantly on their competition games as soon as they walk out the door(either conciously or unconciously).

everytime i try to just not pretend and stay as myself, some chimp comes and lecture that is not ok.

hi guys first post on reddit

ive done multiple types of martial arts for years,

and i really love both striking and grappling.

i focused more on striking but these days im into grappling. but grappling needs some partners.

im diagnosed with bipolar type 1(tho i dont agree with the diagnose, but this diagnose still might show that im pretty sensitive)

i usually dont get along with people, if partners are nice then i enjoy the session but often i have to train with people that i dont get along with. ive learned that im just very sensitive type of person, and i easily panic, not because of the intensity of the training, but how i perceive people who r surrounding me.

tried to use dummies but it wasnt that pleasing, personal trainings r too pricey,

but i have too much love for this sports.

any comments r welcomed.