r/Mindfulness

I can only really present this as a scenario:

I have one of the biggest exams of my life in about 3 weeks. In about 3 months, I’ll be moving countries for school & work. At this point in time, I’ve done everything I can possibly do to prepare for that move, there seriously isn’t much else I can do. I SHOULD be studying for my exam. But I find it so painfully difficult to stop thinking about the move. I’m thinking about stuff I’ve thought about a million times, stuff I can’t do anything about, stuff I can “prepare” for that I’ve already done. I can’t focus on the NOW of my exam as hard as a try, even though my constant ruminating takes me no closer to that move, since it’s just a matter of time now. Does anyone have any suggestions on how to stop constant future ruminating on focus on the important task right in front of you? At this point, it’s less about “enjoying the moment” and it’s just me getting stuff DONE. I waste time on something that only stresses me out, when I could be taking steps towards something I do actually have to deal with.

Any advice is very helpful! I’ve tried snapping myself out of it, setting to do lists, setting exact day-to-day schedules, putting more emphasis on the importance of the exam (stress-motivator, which isn’t good but I’ve been desperate). I do technically get stuff done, but feel like too much of my mind is on the move, and my head is completely out of my studies. Thank you!

I’ve been lying down and meditating for 20 minutes a day for the past few days, and it feels great.

I think I'll be able to keep it up if I do it this way.

I’m an elementary school teacher and my workday is really driven by the clock. To the minute. And I’m doing several things at once all day long. I’ve always had trouble shutting that off after coming home. Looking for anything that could help. Thank you!

I feel like mindfulness as it pertains to physical human contact of any kind is rare in our modern, hyper-digital, algorithm-driven social landscape. I've gotten really into mindfulness recently, and it's made me want a relationship with someone who values it as much as I do. A broadly mindful perspective on life appeals to me, but I especially think having a mindful view of the body and intimate interactions with others is really valuable, and I find myself really wanting that in a partner.

It seems antithetical to search for this on dating apps, because they're so full of the noise that pollutes our brains and distorts our perspectives. Looking on social media is probably a bad idea generally, but I once tried a mindfulness group in my area and found I didn't like it (mostly because I got weird vibes from a few of the others there.)

Anyone who's found love through mindfulness communities, please sound off.

Beginner here. I'm having a hard time to 'watch them pass by like clouds/cars/leaves/..' . As long as I'm observing they don't pass because they are still on my mind. So when I try to imagine them passing by, I actively move them in my imagination,no?!. Feels like pushing away/ignoring, which is not the goal. So is 'let them pass' just me coming back to my anchor once I realized that I was "drifting"?

(Im thankful for any other explanation than the visual stuff like clouds)

My father (68 yo) has been diagnosed with cancer 2 months ago and It has been a traumatic experience since then. I dont know what the outcome will be and the uncertainty of the future is breaking me apart. My mind is constantly in a storm of thoughts and stress is always flowing inside me.

How do I make peace with the situation, quite my mind and find some resolution?

Me? I was thinking about my thoughts and that got me thinking about my thought process. Why do I think like this? Why not think like this? Why think at all? Because we are always thinking. Even when I meditate and can momentarily stop, I start noticing I am not thinking, which is thinking😁, and then i can go on a variety of thinking tangents until I remember I was trying not to think so much, lmao! Good night😛

I’m curious about people who used to have a strong people-pleasing approach, always accommodating, avoiding conflict, explaining yourself, putting other people’s needs first, or tolerating things longer than you probably should have.
Was there a specific moment when something changed and you thought: “No. This is where I draw the line.”?
It could have been with a:
family member
spouse/partner
friend
coworker or employer
anyone you had been constantly accommodating
And when you finally set a firm boundary, especially with someone who was used to you being agreeable, what happened?
Did they respect it, get angry, try to guilt-trip you, or simply test the boundary again?
I’m especially interested in what helped you get past the guilt of being “too harsh” or feeling like you were suddenly becoming a different person.
Looking back, what was the moment that finally made you realize: “I’m not responsible for keeping everyone comfortable at my own expense” and did that realization change the way you approach relationships afterward?

Ok so I overthink EVERYTHING. A text I sent 3 days ago, whether I'm in the right job, what to order at a restaurant. Even dumb stuff turns into a 40 minute debate in my head.

And it feels like I'm being "careful" but really I'm just tired and still don't have an answer lol

Stuff I've tried:

•Telling myself to just stop (shocking, doesn't work)

•Pros and cons lists (then I overthink the list)

•Distracting myself (works for like 10 mins)

What actually helped you guys? Habits, books, therapy, random tricks, I'll try anything at this point.

Also, is it the same for you everywhere or only in certain areas of life?

I've been on my mindfulness journey for a little while now and I've felt a bit 'stuck' lately. I've started accepting that the way I traverse through the world is just that. My way of doing it. Hopefully this reaches someone who is feeling 'stuck'. Even if this specifically doesn't help, I hope it helps you find the path that does work for you <3

I feel like most millennials can probably relate, but I'm realizing that my thoughts and my actions really don't represent me. I've found writing to be very meditative for me. In the past, I've tried writing letters to my past self and my future self. They definitely have their place in my journey <3. However, I realized no amount of writing to my past or future self is going to help me get 'unstuck' from the current feelings/situations.

Instead of trying to force myself into the present, try and sort through all the thoughts and feelings, I decided to embrace it. I was having a full blown meltdown trying to understand what it is that I'm meant to be doing/how I can accomplish my purpose. Thankfully, mindfulness has helped me be able to clock when I'm starting to spiral into these unhelpful and unproductive thought loops. So I took a step back, asked myself 'What's the problem?'

My brain was telling me "The problem is you don't know what to do or how to go about it." The problem felt much deeper than not knowing what to do about a hypothetical question. So I just embraced the suck for a little bit and it just hit me out of nowhere. "The problem isn't I don't know what to do next or how to go about it, the problem is I'm scared. When I was a kid, my dad taught me that always being busy was the key to staying safe. Always be alert, always know what could happen and how you'd respond."

Writing a letter to past or future me just didn't have that effect for me like it seemingly does for so many. I took some time to try and understand why writing a letter to your past/future self was so helpful for so many. It was a way for them to validate their feelings/fears that they are holding onto and releasing them. I believe the reason it didn't ever have that effect for me is because I was trying to write 'current me -> past/future me'. But 'current me' isn't the one who is responding. Current me isn't the person who is terrified. Current me does in fact feel safe, but that kid in me still feels very unsafe, uncertain, and lost.

Instead of trying to write to my past self, I let that terrified kid in me come out and write a letter to the current me. The current me is a safe person. I know this and I feel this with every fiber of my being. Sometimes my brain/OCD wants me to think otherwise, but I know even if I unintentionally hurt someone, it's just that. Unintentional. I would never go out of my way to try and actually cause anybody any kind of harm.

It wasn't easy, but I finally let that kid in me start expressing those fears. Expressing those thing I never was allowed to as a kid. I don't even have to do anything with it. I don't have to 'fix' anything because it's already happened. I'm just letting that 'past me' heal a bit by finally letting them say all those things they were too scared to say before because they never felt safe.

Don't question it, just start writing. Don't analyze during. You might have 30 different thoughts going on and you don't actually complete a single one. That's okay <3. You don't have to, you're just giving that inner child in you the ability to finally let it all out. Most of the time children don't make much sense anyway when they are upset. They don't even know why they are upset 1/2 the time. YOU DON'T HAVE TO KNOW. JUST LET IT OUT.

Through this practice, I've started to learn that the adult me has spent their life trying to be everything little me needed then. Almost as a way to 'fix' it or make sure it doesn't happen again. But I'm not surviving anymore. I'm living. And I'm allowed to. I don't need to keep my survival methods up anymore. I'm able to breathe. I'm able to be human and make mistakes. I'm able to let that inner child cry and be irrational when they need to. I'm accepting that what once was, no longer has to be and it's so liberating.

Has anyone here worked with Alan Dolan / BreathGuru, or done his conscious connected breathing method for any length of time?

I booked a session after reading a very positive article about him. I have a longstanding pattern of waking in the night with anxiety, and the article described a pretty transformative experience with exactly that kind of anxiety.

The session itself was interesting and genuinely very relaxing. It involved continuous open mouth abdominal breathing with no pauses, eventually moving into repeated double inhales. I had a lot of tingling in my hands/arms and felt really heavy and calm afterwards.

There were a few things that made me skeptical, though. There was a lot of interpretation during/afterwards about childhood patterns, control, my ability to “receive,” energy, vibration, intuition and the universe. I was told that the breath mirrors how you live your life and that changing the breath can change the corresponding behavioural patterns.

Another thing that felt like a bit of a red flag in retrospect was how much he talked about publicity/PR and media coverage, including how getting press helped validate what he was doing earlier in his career. When I later searched for independent experiences online, I couldn't find anything about him that wasn't overwhelmingly positive or promotional.

I left the session feeling hopeful, but had exactly my usual anxious waking the next two nights despite doing the breathing practice. I emailed him afterwards (in reply to his follow up) to say I was disappointed and ask what I should realistically expect from continuing. I never received a reply.

Then I got an email from his address and was genuinely excited because I thought he'd finally responded. It turned out to be his PR team asking me to leave a review. Given my unanswered email and my existing unease about how uniformly positive his online presence is, that didn't sit particularly well with me.

I'm not trying to bash him, the session itself was relaxing and I'm open to breathwork being useful. I'm trying to separate the real physiological/meditative effects from the much bigger claims made around it.

So I'm particularly interested in hearing from people who've actually seen him or practised his method, including people who had neutral or negative experiences. Did it make a meaningful difference over time? Did anyone else have similar reservations?

I've been trying to understand what mental strength really means

Sometimes I feel like 1 overthink evervthing, worry too much about what people think, and keep looking for reassurance or advice before makina even simple decisions. I want to become more calm. confident. and emotionally independent.

For those of you who have genuinely become mentally stronger over the years:

▪︎What changed your mindset?

▪︎How did you stop overthinking?

▪︎How did you learn to handle criticism or uncomfortable situations?

▪︎How did you stop needing constant reassurance from others?

▪︎What daily habits actually helped you?

I'm not lookina for motivational auotes. I'd reallv like to hear from people who went through this themselves and what actually worked for them.

For a long time I sat when I felt like it, which meant I sat when I least needed to. Now it's half past seven, every evening, whatever the day was. I don't decide any more. The hour decides.

Most evenings nothing special happens. I sit, twenty minutes pass, I get up. But it's the one part of the day I don't argue with myself about, and that turned out to be most of it.

Does anyone else keep a fixed hour?

Did it hold?

I’m trying to figure out if there’s a word for a really specific feeling I get every once in a while.

I was doing yoga before bed tonight, and out of nowhere this sudden vision and physical feeling hit me. I pictured myself somewhere like DC, just somewhere that felt real and established. But more than the place, it was this intense feeling of pure freedom. Freedom of movement, freedom of mind, freedom to just be who I really want to be. I felt accomplished, grounded, happy, and completely in control of my life.

It wasn't a daydream, it was a visceral feeling that just washed over me out of nowhere.

The second I noticed it happening and tried to hold onto it, it slipped away and as soon as I snapped back to reality, my regular daily life felt so flat and repetitive by comparison.

Has anyone else ever experienced these brief, intense flashes of total freedom and accomplishment? Is there a psychological or spiritual term for this, or a way to make sense of it when it fades? What does it mean? Thanks in advance :-)

I love to bake. However, my biggest issue is that when I spend time in the kitchen baking or cooking, my mind starts thinking of all the negative things that has happened like an issue I'm currently facing or fights I had with someone or fights someone had with someone or negatives from the past and so on.. it's depressing.. and so I'm losing my love for cooking or baking. How can I control this? Please help. Thanks

Hey there, I'm 17 and a half years old and for the past few months my brain has been constantly looping visual images (sometimes intrusive thoughts) I can clearly see and these images have been hundreds. They're all very weird and sometimes disturbing, affecting me thinking properly and focus with what I want to think/visualize without these stupid looping images being present. Some have faded out, some still come back up and loop for a bit. Then new ones come up. It's extremely annoying when I listen to music and it persists. I've maybe had this problem before but never to this extent that's making me super frustrated before. I'm just lost at this point, I don't want this to continue forever is there any fixes towards it and is this connected to any disorder other than ADHD (since I'm diagnosed with it), because this problem hasn't occured this badly before.

Kindly hear me out. Please I have nowhere else to speak like this.

I don't remember the last time I had the desire to live. I laugh and play around have fun genuinely. But at the end of the day the urge to kill myself always comes back. All my grief and regret comes back to haunt me. But I am too much of a coward to kill myself. I hate pain. Maybe that's why I am so miserable. I sleep around all day, jerking off to ai chat bots. I have people to hear me out. But it's not enough anymore. I have lost myself. But every morning I wake up and act normal again. I forget the grief and pain for a while but it always haunts me back. Always.

I have always been a quiet but chaotic child. I was not evil but I was always quite rude and impatient. I didn't do anything severely bad, but my fault attitude towards my family haunts me.

My father died last year. I felt like I didnt feel much. But as days pass by the guilt grows heavier. All the rude behaviour I did even while he had cancer. Oh dad i am sorry you had a daughter like me. I prayed everyday that you had a different daughter someone who you did have at least been proud of . He didn't even say a word to me on his dying days. But I knew he loved me a lot. An ungrateful brat like me didn't deserve a father like him. I should have died instead of him. I regret being born everyday. No i regret the person I am. What can I even do now. I was such a bitch to him. I didn't say anything bad much, but i was the rude impatient kid.

I wasnt always this rude hateful bitch. But I was always a bit, it has increased now. Maybe all the gate and impatience I show to my family is actually a reflection of my own mind hating myself. God the regret i feel the choked feeling i feel in my own throat after being rude is horrible but I still repeat it.

I know how to fix myself but i won't. If i just study some hours, workout and start my hobbies daily my life will be fixed at least better.

But I sleep at 4am to 12pm. Eat sleep again use mobile for 8 or 10 hours using instagram or ai bots to talk to feel loved. My college is mediocre it had no classes at all. I am useless average mediocre student. I don't study anymore properly i never did i guess. COVID changed me for worse and i made myself much worser. I cry in the face to have no lover or friends properly. Only this big sister type neighbour whom I talk to often who is like my therapist. But even after talking to her nothing changes. I have wrote on reddit several times. But I have t changed. I have been like this for the last 3 years.

I cry every night terrified i won't be successful in life, terrified I will end up being nothing. My laziness is my greatest sin. My rudeness is my reatest regret. That i can't seem to stop.

But the next morning I wake up the same laughing around at reels, lazing around and when it becomes 1 am at night I cry and get terrified i won't have a job, i won't be successful. Even the friends who had less marks than me are working harder and have been scoring well. My jealousy eats me alive.

I know I should love myself and save myself but i just simply cant. I think about the children dying in Gaza and many other people who deserve a better life. And here I am living a life well enough but destroying it with my own hands. I want to strangle myself to death. But I won't even hold my throat as it will hurt.

I cant seem a therapist or psychologist. I have no money. I free programs nothing, don't suggest it.

I am still 20 i have a future. I won't ruin it i can't. I have to be better. But I am so tired of God I am. Of doom scrolling and lazying in bed i workout our sometimes, i have been in karate for 12 years but i can't do a push up.....i don't know how I keep myself alive.

I have no passion , no talent, i refuse to work hard more like I just have forgotten. Mobile addiction ruined me along with day dreaming and now ai bots.

I have a thousand reasons to hate myself but none to love. Even if I have a reasont I love myself I won't probably. Is this the end for me?

I want a diamond mine but i even won't pick up the shovel to work. That's me. The bed, janitor ai and my laziness will kill me alive. I am pathetic I know it. I truly am. But I have self hated myself so much. It's my default pattern.

I have become so sensitive crying over the smallest thing in secrecy.

These are my defining traits

Anxious, lazy, procastinator, self hate, worthless, useless, valueless, brain fog, suicidal but would never commit cause hates pain, anxious, over sensitive, rude, insecure, body hate, etc etc I am my own prisoner, my own tormentor, caged in a cell with the gates open, but I won't come out because the bed is too comfortable and apparently being a suicidal rude bitch is better than trying to change. Basically I am stuck in my comfort zone.

Need advice please. Don't mind my language I don't know anymore how to speak properly.

I’ve been trying to work on myself and feel mentally free. I keep telling myself that I should relax, be normal, talk naturally, listen to people, and stop overthinking every little thing.

But when I’m actually around people, I somehow fall back into the same pattern.

I get nervous or panicky. Instead of genuinely listening or asking questions, I just say “hmm”, nod, or give a short response. Later, I keep thinking about the conversation and wondering why I behaved that way.

Sometimes I even go into a conversation wanting to be more confident, but my mind suddenly goes blank. I know I want to listen and connect with the person, but in the moment, it feels like I’m just trying to get through the conversation.

Then the cycle repeats: overthinking → panic → awkward response → regret → promising myself I’ll do better next time.

I’m tired of feeling like I’m constantly monitoring myself instead of just being present.

Has anyone else experienced this? How did you break out of this cycle and actually feel mentally free and natural around people?

I'm sitting in a public kitchen drinking hot chocolate, staring at nothing, and I'm thinking about like five different things. Then I start thinking about how I'm thinking about those things. Then someone walks in and I notice them but I wanna keep my thought going, and it gets interrupted. Now I'm thinking "am I making this person uncomfortable by them just seeing me staring at nothing? do they think I'm miserable? what are they thinking about me? more importantly, what am I making them think?" So maybe I should look at my phone. But wait, should I even be worried about making someone uncomfortable by just existing in a chair? And honestly, a few years ago wouldn't this have been totally normal? Would people have made the same assumptions, or is it only because everyone's absorbed in their phones now that staring at nothing looks weird? Then I say hi, make small talk, and they leave.
The whole thing took maybe a minute or two. I didn't consciously think each step, it's more that when I realized I'd been thinking, I could look back and see the entire chain laid out in order. And none of it ended with an answer.

Keep in mind I am not exactly panicking or stressed or feeling almost anything at all this is just my regular baseline thinking at nearly all times. Is this just how everyone's brain works and I'm overthinking it or do some of you get this too?