Why do we encourage BDSM & CNC for victims of SA? (Trigger warning)
I’m struggling and I really need some advice from sane people. A week ago when I was on holiday I was SAd.
I met a guy on holiday. At first I wanted to hook up with him but when it turned out he had no condom I changed my mind. He didn’t care. During he started doing all this kinky shit without asking because guys my age (I’m 24) are pornsick. He tried to penetrate me anally and I said no. He tried again. He wanted to film us and I said no. He tried to convince me. He started pulling my hair and hitting me and I said no. So he held me down and started hitting me again. I tried pushing him off me, I kept saying stop and suddenly he did. He saw I was having a panic attack and he seemed genuinely surprised?? Didn’t stop him from trying to guilt me tho. Absolute asshole.
I was raped when I was 19 and it absolutely traumatised me. I only came to terms with it this year after going through treatment. So at least I’m more educated this time and self aware. Here’s the thing. My reaction to this sort of thing is apparently hypersexuality. I’m masturbating a lot. To things that usually disgust me. Horrible men trying to force me. I feel so disgusting. When I told my therapist about this during trauma therapy his first reaction was to say that I shouldn’t feel shame. That BDSM and CNC can actually really help victims. (Where’s the data to prove this btw?) And that if I get off to it why not keep doing it. I feel like that’s the popular view in society.
I feel like that’s horrible advice. It doesn’t help me. It makes me hate myself. It gives me nightmares. It makes everything worse and it goes against everything I believe in. I was able to quit doing it after my first trauma and I felt so much more at peace. I was only masturbating to consensual fantasies with women and I felt happy after doing so. Unfortunately I fell back into my old coping mechanism after being SAd last week. But I want to quit again. If anyone has been in a similar situation or some advice for healthy coping mechanisms I’d really appreciate it <3