WTW for feeling genuinely happy for a friend’s success but with this undercurrent of personal envy that makes you feel guilty
I’ve been trying to pin down the right word for this specific mix of emotions that keeps hitting me lately and it’s driving me nuts because I can’t find anything that fits exactly. Last weekend my best friend from college finally landed her dream job at this big design firm after grinding for years with side gigs and rejections. We all went out to celebrate, I bought her drinks, posted congrats on Instagram, hugged her and meant every word when I said how proud I was. At the same time though there’s this low-level sting because I’ve been stuck in the same entry-level role for three years, sending out applications every night after work, and watching her move forward makes me feel like I’m falling behind even though I really don’t resent her at all. It’s not full-on jealousy or schadenfreude or anything toxic; it’s more like bittersweet pride with an extra layer of self-comparison that leaves me feeling kind of small and petty afterward. I keep replaying the night in my head and wondering if there’s a single term that captures being supportive yet quietly envious without the negative judgment usually attached to envy. Any ideas would help because “mixed feelings” is way too vague and I want