u/random-g-whos-yours

Hello! I discovered this sub recently

I’ve wanted to ask this for a while but I didn’t know which sub to post this too and I think this might be the best one for the question.

Over the years I think I’ve started to attach my own self worth/gratification to my work. For example, I’ll work on something such as the drawing attached to this post. It’s of the Tsaritsa from Genshin who is a new character that got revealed recently.

I’d then post it and see how much engagement it gets and if the next drawing I post doesn’t get around the same I start to wonder if my skills have declined.

I have a habit of thinking “I need to make this look good so people like it” not so much so as “I need to make this look good so I like it”

I try to draw in a semi realistic style (this is a WIP so it’s a lot less rendered than usual) so if I feel like it’s not realistic enough I start to panic a bit.

I don’t know why but along the way I’ve even developed this procrastination for drawing too like I’ll think “Oh I want to work on the WIP tonight” and then think about how it could go terribly and look awful and then immediately procrastinate.

Heck even for this WIP it looked so different from what I had in mind after working on it for 8 hours, I was pretty defeated the rest of the day.

I don’t think it’s wanting my work to look perfect since my usual work is on the messier side anyways but more so of “oh if this doesn’t turn out well or do well then that says something about me as a person” in a way.

It’s very frustrating and it’s probably one of the main reasons I never really finish anything. Maybe it’s also because I wanted to make this my career someday as I find my future one not so sustaining, and so I see it as oh if this work doesn’t come out well it’s over or something lol. For this year I had about 1 finished work so far and a huge stack of wips that should be done but were never touched again.

I just wish I could detach it from myself. I’m not very skilled at anything in life so I think that makes me put too much pressure on this

I lowkey wonder how I used to draw so carefree when I was younger. I like my work more now but it feels less fun and more stressful like I’m studying for something!!

This is my most recent WIP.

It’s vastly different from my usual work. I don’t know why but I always finish something up until 80% completion and then start something new.

I think part of me goes through the thought process of “oh if I finish this what will I work on after? What if it’s worse than this. I should start something new to be sure”

And it’s the same cycle over and over until nothing gets completed.

This one is the best example I have so far asides from one I haven’t posted before.

I don’t really know why but this one is feels so off. The proportions, the expression, the lighting, the rendering etc. I have no clue why this doesn’t look right. I try to force myself to complete things but then I end up rushing them so I can start the new one “to be sure”.

I don’t know how to break this habit, but I know this one will probably never be completed. It’s just so off. I think I’ve boxed myself into a corner by only drawing one character for a year. Now I can’t draw anyone else including the one in the pic.

I think my number of wips has hit the double digits and I fear it’ll continue to grow ;w;