u/raspberry435

I’m trying to understand a recent breakup from a guy’s perspective and whether this is common.

I 21F was seeing a guy 20M for about 6 weeks. We talked every day, he’d ask to call me, we went on several dates that he initiated, had a really gentle/sweet connection, and I honestly started seeing potential for a relationship. He was very thoughtful and observant with me and seemed emotionally sincere.

After a big life transition graduating, I noticed inconsistency with communication. I’m someone who values consistency/check-ins, and when I brought up not hearing from him for a full day a couple times, he seemed apologetic but also kind of overwhelmed by it. I had also asked if he could plan a more intentional date.

Eventually he ended things over the phone. The call lasted over an hour and he sounded emotional during it. He basically said:
- he felt like it wasn’t working because we wanted different things / weren’t on the same page
- he feels like he’s “ruining it”
- he’s not ready for a relationship right now
- he doesn’t know what he’s doing with his life yet
- he feels like something is wrong with him and he’s “bad at relationships”
- he’s unhappy with himself and needs to figure himself out first

He also admitted he was anxious around me to the point where he sometimes couldn’t even eat around me. He said it was “less about me and more about him.” He told me I’m a great person and he’s sorry for wasting my time. At one point he sounded like he was tearing up.

What confuses me is that he also:
- asked “are we never talking again?”
- said he’d probably want to check in on me in the future
- seemed genuinely sad about ending it

For context, he’s also told me before that he admires how confident/comfortable I am with myself and asked how I got to that point. He’s mentioned in past relationships that he felt like he didn’t deserve better.

So is this a common thing where someone genuinely likes a person but pulls away because they feel inadequate/anxious/not ready?