“Not to Blame”, 2026
I always wanted a family. I always wanted a child of my own. Adoption is prohibitively expensive. We don’t have the space to foster. But, no matter how hard we tried, I couldn’t get pregnant.
Doctors were unhelpful. I knew something was wrong. Even after I found doctors who listened, nothing worked. I was sick and miserable and growing older.
Then it happened. I got pregnant. But it was rough and traumatic. I didn’t want a c-section, but without it, we’d both be dead.
This is my way of telling the me of two years ago, “it’s not your fault. You couldn’t take your meds, and what you got sick with can literally happen to anyone. That scar is not a sign of failure. You lived. She lived. And you aren’t a bad mother for it.”
The sharp lines are in metallic gold and bruise colors. Kintsugi always struck me as a way to make pain and trauma beautiful and acknowledge that the pain changed something without destroying it. The vine shapes are for life and survival, like the kudzu in the woods out back that reclaims everything. The speckles are both broken capillaries and freckles. Life and pain.
Hope it looks okay.