u/rawberle

Hey everyone,

So recently I've been having lots of stress building up and I think I finally reached my breaking point. I can barely function at work (I work on the airport ramp at UPS Worldport so it's very overstimulating and requires constant teamwork and awareness of your surroundings, and struggling to do these things can be dangerous), I'm constantly irritable, everything is much more overstimulating than usual, I have no desire to go out and do things like I usually do, etc. I know it's not depression because I have depression and I can tell that this is different.

I've always been the kind of person who pushes through no matter what the circumstances are because I've had to be independent since I was a teenager. When I first noticed I was struggling, I thought if I just kept trying it would eventually just get better. Obviously, that's not the case.

I'm taking leave off of work for a couple of weeks. That's all I can do while still having just enough in savings to pay my bills. So while I have this time off, I need to find a way to bring myself back to baseline as much as possible. I've been reading other posts on here about it and the advice was mostly just "do as little as possible and try to relax", but is there a "right" way and a "wrong" way to relax? How do I know what will help me specifically? I spend most of my day playing video games and doom scrolling, which clearly isn't enough. I also find it very difficult to relax since I'm in pretty bad debt and I constantly have bills going through.

Some background context: I am a 24 year old male who started a new position at my job about 5 months ago. This position is on the ramp at UPS, so it can get very chaotic at times and there’s a lot going on and it’s overall very stressful. I have had the same supervisor since I first switched to this position so I got used to his management style, and overall he was a very by-the-books supervisor and I knew exactly what to expect of him. He was basically my only source of routine and structure at this job. Also, to be honest, I liked him as a person as well.

A little less than 2 weeks ago, he randomly disappeared at the beginning of the shift and never came back. I wasn’t sure what was going on at first, but for the first few days I was holding on to hope that he would come back. Nobody was giving us any information and we were just having random supervisors cover our crew so I never knew what to expect. By last Wednesday, work had gotten so unbearable that I ended up calling out the rest of the week due to stress and anxiety around the uncertainty. I came back on Monday in hopes that he would maybe be back, and he was back at work, but I got official confirmation that he was no longer our supervisor.

Since then, I’ve been completely shut down. I have no desire to speak to anyone (I’m a quiet person regardless but I actually can’t even stand the thought of being around another person at all now), I haven’t left my apartment since I got home from work on Monday, I’ve been crying, shoving junk food and alcohol down my throat while rotting in bed all day, and the thought of going back to work literally makes me feel sick. I know it’s absolutely ridiculous, but it legitimately feels like my entire world just completely shattered. I’ve also been having mild suicidal thoughts (ie they’re there but i will not and cannot act on them) and complete hopelessness. There was literally no time to prepare myself for this. And we still haven’t even been told who our new supervisor is going to be so that uncertainty is still there.

My question is how can I cope with this and force myself to accept the change? I was hoping it would get better with time, but I need to at least get back to the point where I can somewhat function again. I have bills to pay.

TLDR: 24M, 5 months into a new position, relied heavily on longtime supervisor for structure/routine. That supervisor disappeared a couple weeks ago with no explanation and was confirmed to not be our supervisor anymore on Monday. Since then I have been unable to function. I've been isolating, not eating well, drinking, crying, dreading work, and having mild suicidal thoughts (they're there but i can't/won't act on them). Asking how to cope and get back to functioning enough to keep working and paying bills.

Do any of the taco bells in or near Louisville have the Enchirito? I'm looking at the app and none of the Taco Bells I've checked so far have it available.