u/rayx404

Yɛs indeed

Yɛah yɛp

Yụp

Ṣi

Its so weird they switch up constantly.

I dont even know where to begin, so much stuff has happened,

My dad was a asshole*is* and the reason im saying this is because he is genuinely a horrible parent and husband and person in all the ways he could possibly be.

And ngl my mom too a little. She's a victim, too, but she let it happen.

So what pretty much used to happen was fighting yelling just the basics as kids when I was like 7 or 8 years old

And it got worse as time progressed, or maybe I just couldn't see the severity considering I was a toddler,

Well, to explain everything pretty much, I need to give you the context, how it started, how I got where I was / am,

Im from iraq( a shitty country. )

When I was like 2 we went to germany as immigrants because of the 2014 terrorist attacks, I was like 3 or 4, I dont really remember but yea after we reached germany, we lived there for like 5 years a happy life pretty much. But when I was in germany, I unfortunately got sa/rped. By a random person, idk what counts as either, but I dont really care anyway,

I couldn't talk about it or anything, and I was threatened (not gonna say or detail any parts of this).

And pretty much it happened a lot over 50 40 times.

I was like 5 or 6 (this isn't after 5 years. it's during it)

So blahblahblah days go on, im around 8, and it's a peaceful night, i was sleeping on the couch. Only to be woken up by my oldest sister. And she said "come we gotta go."

Now. I was very confused because I heard talking at like 3 am?

I was extremely tired, so i just followed her (this is like the living room, and we're in a wooden 2 (garage is pretty much the 1st if u call it that ig.) story house. We go to the stairwell that goes down into the garage. And we pass another room (guest room ig I can't remember)

I see my dad without a shirt and just in his shorts(usual fit he's more comfortable in it)

But the weird thing is.

There were cops surrounding him. A lot of cops

Like at least 5, I remember,

I was scared that something had happened

And yea, something did happen, but that's for later

So we go down the staircase and we exit the house, I see my mom and all my other siblings by a police car with all the lights on, like 3 cars I think???

So the cop tells me, "Are you okay" and stuff like that they ask us some stuff, and whatever I cant remember its been a LONG long time,

So yea we enter the cop car im still confused pretty much I ask the cop what happened and he did say smth but it was just to keep me calm (i dont remember what he said)

So after that we pretty much reach a building of some sorts. (It was a women's only building some sort of abuse help thing)

It was cool it had a little playground infront of it and all, it had alot of women,

The cops told us to avoid him and not call or text or even try to contact him.

We stayed there for like 2 days,

Now my naive ass missed him so I kept crying and stuff (because I didnt know the piece of shit he was)

And so my mom called him

And of course this psychopath lies and threatens to hurt himself and blahblahblah all the weird shit to guilt trip her. So she met up w him. What did he do? (Since this was illegal, and he doesn't have custody. He took us and flew us back to OFC IRAQ.)

It's been HELL,

Worse then germany

So to sum it up, he is an oversensitive toxic masculinity misogynistic dirtbag that also used to beat everyone (he might not do it now. But the screams will always stay in my head. The way he said some crazy shit while beating my mom. Thats for later tho)

So yea im 9 when we reach iraq (we went to iraq with a plane)

And mind you I know NOTHING about arabic, because I left iraq at 2 or 3 idk

So yea,

Pretty much school was hell. Bullying / mocking / teachers would hit you and shit it was all bad and the stress just stacked ontop of everything else now. Ik its not that serious but school is still really difficult and im extremely scared to fail, bec if I do he will probably just beat me half to death who knows,

And I dont even care honestly ik my future will be shit and thats fine its not my fault it wasnt really in my control but the reason im saying this is because there is way way Way more to this that has happended that I cant type in here. Its so much. But yea pretty much my whole life has been just stress abuse and trauma and all of that and stupid school and bullying it just made everything worse oh, and not to mention the physical problems and mental problems bec of my childhood sa/ whatever it was.

I still struggle everyday,

Honestly I dont trust him and never will no matter how nice he acts or **changed** he acts. I always forgave him. Only to be beat and hit for almost nothing.

Theres so many stuff hes done like these

Once I was feeding my little baby sister pomegranates and I accidentally got some juice in her eye it squirted in her eye ig and it wasnt on purpose what does he do?

He grabs my mom's heel shoe.

And grabs me by my shirt only to repeatedly pull on my shirt till my neck is red, and hit me with the heel shoe over and over and when my mom tried to stop him he said "each word you say is another hit for him" he did it till I reached the point of not being able to talk,

I went outside (still indoors,the houses in iraq are different they have a yard like thing, but its walled. So I went under the faucet and just sat there while crying under the faucet and drinking the water ig?. I dont know I couldnt control myself so yea pretty much after that my brother came to try to help me and when I saw him I was already scared of my dad coming because he told me to come to him, so I started screaming at him to go away because I couldn't see who it was my eyes were fucked atp, my head was killing me bec I was just beat with a strong heel shoe on my head so ofc, I fell asleep there for 1 hour or half a hour before waking up to my mom and other siblings, they ask if im ok blahblahblah and shit but ofc nobody said anything abt him hitting me and he never got talked to to stop it or wtv,

It got worse somehow because after that,

I never wanted to see his face or any of their faces again

I didnt even have my own room to cry in safely without any of them, so I just went on my bed(on the ground a flat foam mattress thats in the living room pretty much)

And just pretty much cried myself to sleep)

All over what.

A small Mistake.

And the day after slept to avoid him after he comes home from work. (At this time he used to work as a night time taxi from Najaf to Baghdad.)

Even my siblings would all run to the same room as me to avoid him. Thats how bad it was.

Its so sad

But yea pretty much that's not even the worst one

So he also used to make me buy stuff like cigarettes for him and shit. Because hes a lazy fucking bum.

And when I tried to tell him idk how to, he calls me stuff like failure dithu(which means autistic or kinda like stupid idrk that much) (mind you I was 10)

So i said it isnt even my fault its you who wants stuff why should I buy it for you?

He ofc yelled and whatever and even tried to hit me but didnt

Now im still not in school (at the time of this happening rn i am in school) mind you. He hasnt signed me up.

Only in germany did I go in 1st grade but I failed it, so I had to redo it in germany, but I didnt finish it bec (he flew us back to iraq before I could)

So i had to skip grade 1st in iraq and go to 2nd (IN THE MIDDLE OF THE SCHOOL YEAR. SO HALF OF 2ND GRADE. So I was pressured even more now. I didnt know how to read speak write. Or even understand arabic at all.

And he wasnt the best at teaching as my mom used to help me with it all the time while he sat around playing Playstation or Xbox 360 with my uncle / his brother.

So my mom got pissed because mind you. She just had a baby and the baby she had to take care of 24/7 while dealing with us little shitheads.

So yea she was overworked

She told my dad that she can't bring him the tea that he wanted and that he should step up and help her as a husband / dad. And he got pissed bec she was complaining abt uncle being here a lot, (because my mom always had to bring then stuff and they always ordered her around, and thats why she got annoyed WHICH RIGHTFULLY SO???

and they argued and after they slept in separate rooms,

So then turns out the baby has a serious deadly issue

Turns out one of the heart pipes or wtv(IDK)

had a hole or something and they needed to do a surgery on it. Mind you we are Hella broke. So we got it funded by the government BARELY. Took alot of effort and after that my mom had to fly to india alone with the baby to get the surgery

Now the baby is fine shes 5 or 6 rn and shes fine but has a permanent long scar

And bec of the baby ig they reconciled

Or wtv

(This is something that really pisses me off.)

They always fight and it always affects us because they get angry and take it all out on us or smth. And then reconcile and team up with eachother and call us shitty kids blahblahblahblah.

24/7.

So pretty much after he signed me up for 2nd grade I had to skip it and go to third grade (I was in 2nd grade for 20 days or 3 weeks idrk)

And 3rd grade was hell bec i got bullied by the 6th graders they tied me up and beat me and shoved my jacket down my throat and I couldn't breathe (just one of the stuff that happened )

After that I was used to it and actually started defending myself.

It didnt happen so much and I def won some fights,

But yea overall it was the worst.

I used to be happy I had school bec it was (relaxing being away from "home")

But not really. Same bullshit there. Either the teachers or students. Teachers either screamed at you 24/7 for missing smth or not writing or just sleeping. And they'd even hit you most of the times. Like really hard too,

So I was extremely tired and depressed

I was like 11 or 12 especially because of all the bad memories of the sa and whatnot. At 13 I tried to commit

Like alot

But it never worked,

And honestly it would've been better if it did,

Im still stuck in iraq. Forced to live w the same person that beat my sisters my brother and me,

I remember we once voice recorded the abuse on messenger. It was actually horrific it made me feel sick listening to it. But we lost it bec he reset our phones. Like 5 times in one month.

He used to and** STILL** turns off the internet to better our "sleep" but that was only after a fight.?

You might think it'd get better?

No.

Because then he started trying to find a different job.

He wanted to be a mechanic so he rented a small 5 meter wide and 2 meter long square building (small asf)

And it was empty dirty and stuff.

I was very supportive because I was excited to finally actually help and because id have my own shop or business.

And I worked a year for him. For free, cleaning and opening wheels. Jacking up the cars. And yet I still was called a failure. Still yelled at for taking to long to find the right spanners he needed even tho he barely had any. And he always used to throw them around everywhere.

So it was annoying.

But I didnt say anything

And then I messed up again bec (I couldnt find it because he threw it somewhere after finishing with it, )

And what was his response he came to me and stabbed me with a screwdriver. In my shoulder

I still have the mark.

I tried so hard not to cry infront of him because thats the worst possible thing you could do. Wait actually no just talking or saying anything is.

I wanted to get rid of him so bad.

It was getting to the point I just wanted to kms

And it still is

.

Honestly thats not even half of all thats happened.

But now hes acting all innocent. And good.

Only for another fight to happen again some time later. Im expecting it.

You fucking rat.

I genuinely despise him more then anything. Even he knows it hes recently asked me. 2 times already."do you hate me?" he knows I dont like him and its all a act. I despise him I only talk to him so he doesnt question me or be suspicious. Ive always wanted to get rid of you.

You genuinely are not a man. And never will be.

All that you've done has ruined my life and future.

We could've stayed in germany. And had good careers.but of course.

Everyday I wonder if he will do it again. Always stressed

Narcissist bitch