Congregations that advertise being LGBTQ+ friendly but aren't in practice
In my area there are several churches of various denominations that advertise being welcoming communities for LGBTQ+ folks, but their actual church experiences don't feel that way. Like they post about it online and sometimes have denominational certifications for being a safe space that are prominently displayed on their website, etc. And my city is lucky to have these options -- I'm just tired of trying out a church only to feel like a sideshow exhibit, or that there's no place for me because so much of their congregation socializes in strictly gendered ways. I'm an androgynous cis woman who is often mistaken for a guy until people hear my voice and even then sometimes people just get more confused. I'm bisexual and don't personally use the label of butch, but it's how other people usually describe me.
Most of these churches don't have queer members (as far as I'm aware), just relatively progressive theology. Almost everyone seems uncomfortable or awkward interacting with me. Outside of the actual services there are often women's and men's groups. Or groups that aren't technically gendered but are the same group of men or women that have been meeting for XYZ purpose for decades (hobby groups, charitable efforts, organizing coffee/snacks etc). It feels like a huge intrusion when I attend the women's groups. To be fair, these issues might be partially an age thing, since a lot of the congregants are at least ~60yo and I'm in my 20s. But in my area all the churches with a solid group of younger folks are *very* conservative.
Idk, it's just a weird place to be in where I have all these options on paper but none of them actually feel welcoming IRL. So far I've ended up frozen out of every church I've seriously tried. Like sometimes people will politely say hi once I've been there enough to be known but people avoid sitting near me even when it's a packed room. During the socializing time before/after church I end up drinking my coffee alone because people avoid me even when I try to be included. I try so hard to be friendly and don't understand what I could be doing better. At one where I attended for the longest amount of time, I looked into volunteer options and one of them was Sunday school, which they were desperately seeking help with. When I spoke with the coordinator and said I'd be available she said maybe I could help out with something else because "kids might be confused" by me. She said it in a super apologetic way and tried to make it better by suggesting other ideas but my feelings were really hurt. I used to put a ton of effort into looking more feminine but have been embracing myself, but interactions like this make me tempted to grow out my hair and go back to makeup even though I don't want to. Idk, I'm just exhausted.