u/ready_to_be_gone

I have dealt with depression for most of my life (I'm currently in my late 40's). About 8 years ago, I went through a major medical issue, took 6 months to be able to return to work, and then my wife informed me that she wanted a divorce. Later learned she had been cheating on me during my recovery. This completely broke me. I have been trying and trying to deal with the depression and get myself steady, but I basically feel as if I had died back then, but my body hasn't gotten the memo yet. I fell that it is pointless to hope to ever really experience something similar to even feeling content again, and that I am just going through the motions until my body finally decides to shut down.

I am no longer seeking any medical care and plan on discontinuing my prescription meds as I run out of scripts. Not going to kill myself, but I am also not going be seeking medical attention to keep me going anymore. I'm done and just waiting for my body to figure it out as well.

Hello all. I have been dealing with depression for most of my life. I am usually able to get myself to a point where I feel okay, and once and a while, actually feel happy for more than just a couple of minutes at a time. But the past 8 ½ years have been extremely rough.

A little background, about 10 years ago, I had gotten married for the second time. I very much loved her and could really see a life together with her. So much so, a year and a half into the marriage, I went through gastric bypass to help with weight loss (my weight has been a life long battle as well, and I know that I eat when I am feeling down.) as I hoped to have a family with her. A month after the surgery, I was taken to the hospital and it was eventually figured out that I had no vitamin B1 in my system, which causes me some brain damage, which has led to some stability and memory problems. It took roughly 5 months for me to be well enough to return to work. A week later, my wife comes home from a visit with her mom, and informed me that she wanted a divorce. I was already feeling pretty down because the whole reason for me having the surgery was to help us be able to have children. Then with the stability problems, the idea of holding a baby scared the hell out of me and I no longer felt that I could care for a child. But I kept telling myself that I had my wife and we could figure things out. Now all of a sudden, she is telling me that she wants a divorce and won't tell me why. I keep trying to figure out what in the world had I done. Finally, 2 months after she had left, I learned about the other man she had been with.

All of this has been extremely painful and I have had to fight to even keep waking up each morning. I'm trying and trying to keep myself going and keep hope for a future life. After 5 years, I even tried to date someone that I had been getting to know for a while. I sadly had another medical issue, and shortly after, she walked away.

I have given up hope of having someone in my life that would be there with me, like I would be there for them. So I am not looking for this anymore, and plan on spending the rest of my life alone.

So much so, I would like to move out into the country and just be completely alone. Anyone know of a good part of the US, for me to go to and just not be bothered by anyone anymore?