u/reclaimDad

Can't sleep again. Figured I'd dump this somewhere. (Don't try to find us, details changed, blah blah.)

Two years ago if you'd told me the best part of my custody weekends would be kicking a muddy ball around the yard behind my apartment until we're all sweaty and yelling about made-up fouls, I would've laughed in your face. I was still in that mode where I had to make every single minute "count." Like if we weren't doing something big and expensive I was failing as a dad.

Then Jake (he's 14 now) got real quiet in the car one Sunday after we did the whole zoo + dinner thing. Ellie (11) straight up passed out before we even got back. Next pickup Jake just looks at me and goes, "Dad can we please not do a ton of stuff this weekend? My legs are still killing me." That one hurt. Like actually stung.

So I swallowed my pride and bought this cheap pop-up soccer goal off Marketplace. Set it up and everything. First time we played like 15 minutes tops before they got bored. But I left it out there. Next weekend they actually asked to play again. Now it's just... a thing. No score, no real rules. Ellie keeps changing them and getting mad when we don't follow. I dive for balls like an idiot and usually eat grass. Sometimes we play till it's too dark to see the ball. Other times we quit after ten minutes and just sit there picking at the grass talking about random stuff.

It's weird how that one cheap goal led to other low-key things that actually work. We "fish" at this sad little pond nearby with $12 rods and hot dogs for bait. We catch almost nothing. Jake told me about some girl he likes while we were sitting there. Ellie complained about her soccer coach. I mostly just nodded and tried not to say the wrong thing.

We've also been building cheap model kits. Not the fancy ones. The $15 ones where the glue gets everywhere and the instructions aren't great. Jake wanted to make a popsicle stick trebuchet after watching some video. It barely launched a marshmallow and then fell apart in the driveway. We all cheered like it was the Super Bowl.

I don't know. It just feels less like I'm "performing" dad now. We're just... here. Being bad at stuff together. No tickets, no lines, no coming home completely wrecked. When they go back to their mom's they're not totally fried. And they don't show up at my place expecting a big production anymore.

I still slip back into the old guilt mode sometimes and start planning bigger stuff. Old habits die hard I guess. But I'm trying to stick with the simple things more. Kick the ball. Cast the line. Glue some plastic wrong. Burn the pancakes. The boring, repeatable stuff is where they actually relax and I feel like their dad instead of the weekend activity director.

Divorce already took enough normal days from them. I don't need to fill the gap with nonstop excitement. They need to know life at Dad's can just be normal. Sweaty and silly and sometimes sitting quietly waiting for fish that never bite.

Anyway. If you're in the middle of it and stressing about making every weekend perfect... try lowering the bar on purpose. Worst case you waste twenty bucks. Best case you get something that actually sticks.

Still figuring this out. Yard soccer might be the first thing in a long time that doesn't feel completely wrong.

Gonna try to sleep now. Hope you all are hanging in there.