saw the ex walking with a pregnant woman
Long story short, the ex planned a wedding with me 2 years ago but he ended the relationship because of practical reasons e.g. money, chores, family background etc. (he grew up in a family that had limited resources and he was insecure about it in our relationship)
I know he did love me and that’s why the engagement, meeting parents, wedding planning happened…he picked a ring, we were both shattered when it ended. I still remember how he used to look me in the eyes and the devastating moments at the end.
I thought I wasn’t good enough because of some of the hurtful things he said to me at the end like telling me what he wanted in a partner - on top of being pretty, educated, works well with his parents, to do more chores, do more overtime shifts, contribute more to his mortgage… I spent the last two years with self blame that i wasn’t enough/ do enough and i worked extremely hard to be better in every way i could, extra income, second job, extra chores, more cooking, gym, learned more new things etc.
We did no contact.
Fast forward yesterday, I saw him holding hand and walking with a pregnant woman who looked nothing like the standards he said he wanted(pretty, educated, rich), probably the chores part makes sense.
I went blank because that wasn’t something I anticipated. I thought he wanted someone who’s prettier, makes more money, has more education and qualifications, manages the household etc like to pursue the perfect girl he always wanted… but the reality is the opposite.
He also didn’t do the wedding he wanted (he didn’t even have a wedding reception that he always wanted to do for parents and colleagues).
I felt foolish for working extremely hard around his “standards” in the last 2 years.
I probably just wanted to get it off my chest…I thought I did my healing but it still felt weird after i saw it, probably worse that I realized I worked hard for the wrong reasons.
How can I shift the focus back to my life?
not for him anymore.. but for myself