u/redrose037

We have been together almost 2 years and at the start of our relationship, things were pretty sexual. He would initiate and we could have sex multiple times in a day or at least multiple times per week. We did many positions, oral, lots of foreplay etc.

I did go through pregnancy early on, baby now 8/9 months old. And things eased off, I still had a high drive, but he was concerned about hurting our unborn child, so it was just less frequent, maybe fortnightly or so.

Following child birth and after I recovered enough and our child wasn’t awake every 20 minutes, I was keen to get our sex life back. We started up again and it was similar to pregnancy phase honestly, limited to a position or two, fairly quick and not very often and I generally had to ask.

Then he got diagnosed with ADHD and started meds and it seemed his initial desire or at least his desire came back. He started initiating, seemed to have a lot of desire and started having sex frequently. This lead to us talking more sexually and trying new things, going to the sex shop etc. It was honestly amazing.

We ended up discussing some kinks and we ended up having even more sex. However, it got to a point with one where it started becoming damaging to us and I said I didn’t want to continue with it anymore, essentially involved me with another person. Anyway, as we wound that down we didn’t get into the best place and had lots of fights about sex and desire etc, him stating he needed that to get into the mood etc. It took some time, but we then wound that out of our sex lives as he acknowledged it was unhealthy and damaging us. But at our height we had sex up to 4 times a day.

Now it seems to be back in that spot again with limited sex. Except we have discussed it and he said he wants to have sex but he has anxiety about it. But there isn’t anything I can really do, I did offer to take the pressure off a bit and stop initiating or asking. But that did also make me feel a bit undesired honestly.

I mean, things I’ve done were start sexy chains of text, send photos in lingerie or nude, or little videos. Asked him if we can make out, asked if I can fuck him or blow him etc or just outright asked if he’d be keen for sex. I’ve worn very suggestive things and tried to get him in the mood, but it currently seems to be fortnightly if I finally get it. I don’t want to force him and I don’t want to feel so needy. But I’m not sure what I’m doing or not doing?

Can anyone help in how I can turn him on, or let this desire thing go. Or just what might be the issue?

For context, he claims he doesn’t masturbate or watch porn. He used to do them in the past.