Backlogs and degradation in mental health
076 BCT batch. Still 3 backlogs pending, down from 27~ when I was out of the college. Wasted first year out of the college yettikai exam nadiyi. Got it down from 27 to 13, 13 to 3 and this time around 2 out of 3 katdaina. Machine and DSAP, falling back again in the cycle of not prepping well. Idk why I didn't give a shit first year after college, this exam cycle ni testai bhayo. Padhyo bhane it seems I'll pass yet book nai kholdina, literally exam hall nai gayina Pulchowk gayera pani aaja DSAP ko exam ma.
Dashain ma I hope to graduate but life sucks right now.
At least I had a job that paid me okay enough, ahile ta job pani chaina because of exams, unemployed in a long time. Bhayeko gf sanga ni breakup bhayo last year tira. She'll be graduating soon, maybe abroad pani janchin hola whereas I'll be nothing but a failure at the end of the day.
Aaba just feeling empty right now. Turning 24 soon. Ghar ma they're expecting chora graduate huncha in like couple of months from now except they aren't aware of the fact there'll be yet another cycle of exams I and themselves have to bear through. Disappointment in the face of father, rightful toxicity of mom for bearing a lazy son who simply cannot graduate for his life.
Work pani out of tech field thiyo so work experience pani chaina, just got paid alright. Apply garne jagar pani chaina. Exam lai padhnu ki, kaam khojnu ki.
Feeling bit down right now, very hollow. Exam cycle ta sakkiyo but na bolne manche kohi cha, na sutna maan cha, game khelthe tyo pani khelna maan chaina, job pani chaina, apply garna ni maan chaina. Sad life. I'm usually cheerful and whatever happens happens kinda person but I can only pretend as much I guess.