I'm obsessed. Simply obsessed. I found this 1970s Saul Zambrano paper mache clown for $32 at a thrift store today.
I used to have a light hanging here and have been looking for something understated for this corner! I love how things just work out sometimes.
It's in great shape. There's just one spot on the balloon that's chipped (the other white is just reflection).
I went back to my hometown for the weekend and I saw my first crush in Walmart. His name was Dane Lastname and he taught me how to play chess (but I just really just learned so I could talk to him).
Our class together was after his gym class and he almost always came in sweatpants, and it was the first time I remember thinking I really wanted to see a ^(penis) but had no idea what they actually look like.
He had the best locs. He was a football player. He had the best laugh. I dreamt of Dane. It was an innocent crush where I wanted to do things but didn’t even know what that actually meant. But when he would laugh at my jokes I was ready to risk everything for anything he said.
And it feels silly to feel giddy about a 25‑year‑old crush, but he used to sit with my brother (and the other cool kids) on the back of the school bus and they had a cool‑kid handshake/dap thing. I was never jealous of my brother before, but when DANE FREAKING LASTNAME would sit next to him? Ugh. Dreams.
Fast‑forward a few years: I was working at the hometown grocery store after getting laid off from my job and going back to school, and he walks in wearing *khakis*. And y’all… I have never wanted someone to take me on a conveyor belt before. I was ready to put the “Next Register Please” sign on the scanner and run off with him and the $58.23 in my till. But it was 2009 and the economy was in shambles and I couldn’t risk the little I had for a good… time.
And then last Saturday. I see him again. I recognized him instantly, he looked exactly the same ...just 20 years older. He was following his wife (I assume) out of an aisle when his kid almost hit me with the shopping cart and I was like, “No no, it was my fault,” and he goes, “No, say excuse me.” And that’s when it hit me that it's been so long that he probably doesn't recognize me.
And that’s okay. It just made me think about Little regardkick and how excited she was for possibilities. I don’t know when I stopped thinking possibilities were possible.
I'm 40, single, and just like sad at the state of the world but for a few moments I was young again. Anyway. I’m drinking peach wine and smoking a god‑awful pre‑roll and just wanted to tell y’all about that.