I died and don't know how to feel
TL;DR - How its like to die and "experience" Hausdorff-Besicovitch dimensions, negative dimensional superspace (not 4-d, not 3-d, not even elementary 0-d, but instead -1-d and "below"), "hell in death". Using only my nervous system, of course. Wu Wei, not and so but otherwise, residing with Atzmus.
Promise you this is legit.
I died somehow, no clue if it was physically or spiritually. I genuinely consider myself to be the most untrained master sorcerer, former DKMU member kicked out for disagreeing with the veterans (non-hierarchical except social and platform moderation ability), and heavy (HEAVY, hospital heavy, rehab heavy) dissociative to general hallucinogen abuse. I've done it all, and I consider myself untrained not because I don't like to read or listen but genuinely because anything short of niche, self written, specialized khaos documents are really boring, I CANNOT get through things like Emerald Tablets, etc. It is genuinely too rudimentary. Point I'm trying to depict is I'm very well versed. And no, I definitely still don't know it all, that is impossible. I also am not psychotic (have been in remission for years off medication with check ins with my psych team). I'm a physics major drop out. I don't talk out of confidence because of ego. You get it.
However I died, it was nothing I've ever not experienced. I took a lethal dose of DXM, and I fucking died. A death leading me "spiritually" to a "hell". Not a simulation theory, not a 4D box/stage/tunnel/theory, not an action (physics) theory. No it isn't nothing per se. Not this ooooomg nothing is everything in a basic form. I mean like, not experiencing nothing. Not a basic epiphany of understanding nothing conceptually while believing you experienced it on 150 micrograms of lysergic acid when all you were experiencing is just spiritual geometry. No. Really really not experiencing it. A fucking inversion.
It was not a lack of thickness. It was not infinite pressure. It was not a burning static. It was not a lack of virtual light. It was something. It was not nothing. It was nothings something nothing. Only way I can verbally describe it. The feel, sensation, etcetera it invokes because of my lack of memory of it, being not profound and completely indescribable.
It is somewhat a theory of an imaginary universe, but it is not something that diminishes the absolute amazing value of our nervous system, the spiritual ability of it, its ability to love. Not a misunderstanding that diminishes humanity.
To put it "simply", it is just so nothing of something, that literally anything can not emerge from it, that is "death", lack of existence, lack of association. But it is "experienceable". Not so.
It is this horrible thing. Of anything having absolute accessibility, that one, or lack of, can will a universe into existence, remove memory of the act, and reside in that restrictive existence only to give you meaning, because a true, negative dimensional, lack of meaning, a true nothing. A not so true you can do anything. That you can not do anything. You could do nothings something. With everyone, and nobody, not at the same time. Is so much not worse, and is so. That that this invoked restriction we reside in, our universe, our dharma, is honestly heavenly to a true negative dimensional hell. A crushing lack of anything while being something not.
It is more profound than experiencing 4-dimensionality. It is experiencing not emerging below quantum foam. You reside in Hausdorff-Besicovitch dimensions. Superspace. A calculation. No, again, we are not simulated.
We are something, and if you go up, to the side (if you desire i, imaginary space, or not), 4-d, 5-d, 11-d, you will loop back over to -11-d in a superspace; AND we can make our way back up in real or imaginary or a bit of both space via -1-d to 0-d to 1-d, etc or along i as well. Etc. Etc.
It is the opposite of concept and it is concept not and concept so, all not at the same time. To say it that way is ironic because you imply it is pointable. Fuck, it’s not. It is Apeiron, it is Wu, it is Wu Wei, it is not residing with Atzmus. The ultimate dissociod.
That is my experience. It is haunting. I feel like I'm cheating in life now, it feels blasphemous and wrong. I'd love advice, if you have any to give. An honest forbidden knowledge I would remove and label "You really don't want to know", to possibly prevent coming across it again.
~ Sukuna
e: Oh but for the record, I do very much enjoy what I dub "virtual light". Moments before virtual particles emerge. Perhaps it’s just quantum foam, not sure. Point is I consider it sacred, as its the base that builds alllllll the way past where we reside and up to the heavens. That is wonderful. That’s daemonic in a manner I enjoy:
It is a warm static neon glow in a crushing void, and it is pleasant.