heyo, positive update ???
my medication finally seems to be really working. i’m awake before 1 pm, i’m getting out and doing things (with people too !!!!), not letting anxiety get to me as much as before.
hung out with someone new today !! we got coffee and browsed a plant nursery and a record shop. i got two new plants today and twin fantasy on vinyl :)
it’s been a good day, let’s make it a good life.
take care of yourselves !🤍
i haven’t dreamt in a while. i wish i could do something to make myself dream again.
back here after a month in an outpatient program…. but i am medicated for adhd and anxiety !
after living next door to a narcissistic stalker, my nervous system has become a mess. but im moving out soon and i won’t have to deal with this person watching and recording me !
never give the quiet guy who says he’s liked you for 2 years a chance because he will think he owns you !
finally feeling a bit more stable and focused, struggling to stay clean but im really trying this time.
looking for a new job since i’ve been experiencing harassment from a new manager since i didn’t want to sleep with him. sorry im not interested in someone 10 years my senior !!!
things will look up. i will make this life worth living even if i have to mould it with my bare hands.
i’ve started to play games more often, i want to have more friends to play games with….
life is full of surprises and i will be alive to witness them !!!
i have failed. thank you to this community, it’s been the first time i’ve felt like a part of something in a very long time. i hope all of you reach your goals and get better, however that may look for each and every one of you.
goodbye.
closest thing anyone is getting to a face reveal.
im so sick and tired of having to force myself to be positive. it doesn’t come naturally. nothing excites me anymore. im not making art. i couldn’t care less about it. my lack of drive and self preservation horrifies me.
i want nothing more than to sleep in the stars.
im not in a good spot. i dont know if i will ever leave this place.
i just found out that the org i was in threw a party and i think i was the only person not invited. even people who left the org were there. idk. i’ve voiced to all of these people that i want to be around. that i try to be present, but i don’t get invited.
they’re always saying “oh my god repulsiveandsick, i haven’t seen you in so long !! where have you been ??” and im always like “im right here. ive always been here.” then i never talk to them again.
its times like this where i do not think i am real. am i not remembered ? is there a reason i dont get invited ?? do you not want me there ??
am i not memorable ?
trying so hard not to spiral and relapse. it’s been so hard lately and this just really puts the nail in the coffin for me.
literally something as simple as starting a convo like “where are you. just wondering if you’re safe” is demonised instantly as stalking. is it wrong to ask ? why can they ask and wonder if i’m okay, but when i do it i’m “keeping tabs” ???
it’s exhausting trying to guess what’s acceptable anymore. i value this person, but they confuse me so much it hurts.
they do not want to talk to me, but allow me to talk to them ?
they do not want to talk to me, but check in to ask if i’m okay ??
they get upset if i don’t respond, but say they don’t want to talk to me ???
they ask if i’m okay, but when i do the same im a stalker ????
idk. this person makes me so anxious i get physically sick. i can’t help but to care for them.