u/res30stupid

"Okay, gentlemen. Remember, no guns or weapons or magic permitted. Ninety minutes on the clock, unlimited meat cuts and any selection of vegetables and noodles you desire. Help yourself to sodas and teas and have a lovely meal."

So, can we all agree that if this is indeed what happened and Blake Thrust actually made a time machine to go back to the Pacifists' era...

That the mermen absolutely kicked his ass for twice almost dooming the world?

Or, Hermione is so fed up with Snape and the Slytherins that she starts roasting them in front of the whole school.

In case you're confused, "Reading" is a term in the LGBTQ+ community for the witty and exaggerated act of pointing out someone's flaws or negative characteristics. Similar to "throwing shade," a read is an inside joke or insult meant to be funny and clever rather than genuinely malicious.

I can't do hashtags on this site since it's the site's code for massive text so here's the slogan - "Reading Is Fundamental".

You don't even need to write a full story - just come up with your own witty comebacks. Like...

> Oh, Professor. Of course you can't see any difference. All that grease in your hair must be messing with your vision.

Good morning, 47.

Your target is Dolores Umbridge, Principal Undersecretary to the Minister of Magic Cornelius Fudge and the interim Headmistress of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, one of the oldest institutes in magical education in the world.

The previous summer, a student at the school by the name of Harry Potter had made claims that a dangerous magical terrorist known as "Lord Voldemort" had returned from hiding, during a massive public event known as the Triwizard Tournament; an event that also saw a fellow student - Cedric Diggory - being killed with dark magic.

Not wanting to believe such a dangerous criminal isn't dead and in revenge for ruining a public event which was supposed to help bolster his opinion polls for having helped organise it, Fudge has decided to take revenge by not only publicly smearing Potter's name but sending a crony to the school to make his life Hell.

To do so, she has recruited some like-minded students to make her own inquisition among the students who abuse their power to intercept and steal mail, unjustly punish students and harass Potter and his friends. Umbridge has also been using her government position to outright change laws in order to make life difficult for students - in particular Mr Potter - including the disbanding of student clubs and organisations and even getting Potter permanently banned from playing the Wizarding sport known as Quidditch.

However, over the last few weeks the situation has deteriorated with the legitimately-appointed Headmaster, Albus Dumbledore, being ousted from his position and declared a fugitive while Umbridge has been appointed to his position without the approval of the school of governors who are supposed to be in charge of school affairs. Not only have they been banned from running their own inspections of the school, some have even found themselves subject to a criminal investigation of aiding and abetting Dumbledore.

Recently, evidence has emerged that Umbridge is also engaging in serious abuse of students including torture, forcible interrogation through truth potions and even grievous bodily harm in the form of forcing students to write lines with a cursed pen which inflicts whatever was written with it onto the writer's arm.

Our client, a concerned parent with association with several members of the board of governors and with at least one child in the school with horrific injuries suffered at Umbridge's hand, has therefore seen it necessary to involve ourselves and has even worked to arrange a cover story as an inspector for education from the International Confederation of Wizards.

Also, as an addendum - as the only possible way to eliminate Umbridge is currently at Hogwarts, students will therefore be present. Please be aware that if any student comes to harm, the contract will immediately be voided.

I will leave you to prepare. Good luck, 47.

Or, the students at Hogwarts, seeing that something dangerous is going to happen at their school again, decides to intervene for their own sake.

The Dursleys would leave Harry alone during the day, but he wasn't idle. He'd either play games on Dudley's computer or watch TV. And he watched a lot of a series called Columbo.

Or, Harry nails Lucius Malfoy for causing the Chamber of Secrets disaster.

Basically, Harry can summon the souls of the dead from other worlds to fight for him, a power he only manages to properly manifest when he finally learns he's a Wizard.

Or, Harry is dead but is able to exist in the world of the living thanks to the power of Zagreus from Hades. Luckily, he leaves a note behind explaining this to the ones who see him die.

---

"Goddamnit," Harry groaned as he emerged from the cold waters of the Black Lake. "I guess I ought to thank Charon for giving me a shortcut..."

For those that don't know, Disco Elysium is an RPG where the player's skills and stats serve as the game's Game Masters - they'll often chime in and talk to the main character, making suggestions as to what he should do in certain situations and skill checks are based on their understanding things about the world around them... but the caveat being that at higher levels, they'll tell the player to do things that are self-destructive but give experience points for agreeing. They may even argue among themselves.

So, here's a good example - Harry is on Platform 9 3/4 and is trying to get on the train when Ron offers to help Harry lift his trunk into the train;

Physical Instrument: Wait. The red-headed boy has stopped lifting. What's he done that for?

Empathy: He's in shock. Something has made him pause.

Perception: Oh, no... He's looked under your hair, Harry. He's seen your scar - he knows who you are.

Encyclopaedia: Given how everyone in the Leaky Cauldron seemed to react when Hagrid brought you through there into Diagon Alley, it's no surprise that you'd be well-known throughout the Wizarding World.

Logic: Yes. Word about your identity was going to spread sooner rather than later.

Shivers: Shit! He's already telling his mother about you. This could be bad if word spreads.

Drama: Well, it's not everyday that someone runs into a living legend! Of course he'd be excited. I mean, Harry, if you suddenly ran into Eric Idle or John Cleese down at the shop, you'd be freaking out too.

Authority: (success) No, it won't. She's already told him not to harass you just for being the Boy Who Lived. This is an order he will obey.

Esprit de Corps: Looks like you may have a friend.

It seems that if Harry had just remembered that Quirrell was in Diagon Alley that day earlier, he'd have clued in on the teacher's possible involvement. Any stories which have him realise this sooner?

Alfred needs to travel about the island in order to confront Claire at various times in the story and with some measure I could somewhat explain it as potentially being hidden passageways and the like, but other locations I couldn't write that off. That means he has to actually fight zombies.

And yes, he's got a rifle. But he also couldn't hit the broad side of a barn with it.

Okay, preface - I haven't seen the show, I'm asking this in relation to the DLC in PowerWash Simulator 2.

But in a mission in the DLC, it's revealed that Lemongrab tried to force his way into a party being held at Finn and Jake's treehouse before he's chased off for being a massive dick who tried to ruin the festivities. But later on, it's stated that Party God showed up at the party and it was a total blast.

We know (or at least I know) from the third level that Party God retaliates against party fouls, like when Gunther ordered a ton of pizza but none of them were Hawaiian^1 which led to him trashing the place. So, I'm assuming that Party God wasn't present when Lemongrab pulled his shit.

But if he was there... what would he have done to Lemongrab?

1: Italians, put the crosses away.

Bowser Jr doesn't want to become straight-up evil like his dad and would prefer that his dad didn't keep picking fights with Mario since his dad keeps losing. How does this go?

I'm sorry if this seems random but I've been watching clips of the anime of Ash's Dragonite hugging people and I can't help but imagine him hugging cast members at the parks.

The idea of the series is that each version of Batman becomes a counterpart of a different Justice League ally but also ends up as an evil version of them. But what if they all remained good when they were changed?