u/resistingtherabbitho

I’m looking for some perspective on my mother‘s life choices and any advice is appreciated. My mother, even though I love her dearly, has a host of undiagnosed mental health issues and turned 70 this year. She has been retired for a few years now.

About 8 years ago, my mom got into a relationship with a man in his 40’s who lives with her. I have tried to get to know him, but he’s a bit odd and not talkative (for example, he’ll be on his phone the entire time I visit).

I have been encouraging my mom to sell her home and buy a smaller place she can manage because her current (large) home is slowly deteriorating. She has rats and the kitchen is unusable. I would love to help her get into a home she can manage near me or my siblings so we can assist her and spend more time with her.

I was very surprised the other day when she finally told me her plan is to have her boyfriend care for her until she dies. I was shocked because he doesn’t help her currently (rats, etc) and I’m wondering just how bad this situation can get.

My instinct is that she is an adult and this is her choice, but it’s so troubling. Her quality of life seems to be at risk, but what, if anything, can I really do? Is this whole thing a lost cause?