u/revenant_777

Firstly, I only studied cognitive functions, but now that I'm diving into the waters of the Enneagram... Well, I'm a complete novice and that's precisely why I'm seeking help. and btw my english is kinda bad, patience.

I can provide context. Thus, data can be extracted. if you need more info to be sure, just ask~~

And rambling, pardon me for that.

Maybe I'm not even a 5 or 6 aaaaaaa,

But I've been looking at everyone's characteristics and I fit best into these ones. And besides, I heard that INFJs might not even be 5w6.

So I did some more research to see what I think about this statement I saw. From what I've seen, some people fixate on MBTIs, suggesting they can only correspond to specific Enneagram types, while others say there are possibilities, although certain MBTIs are more likely to have certain types. And I think the second sentence makes more sense to me. Because, thinking about it, the world is FULL of different people and different uniqueness, and we try to fit each specific person into something, But look, for example, ENTJs are different from each other, despite having similarities. I personally think these typologies help us find patterns in others or understand ourselves better than being 100% stuck in a fixed label and thinking that a certain person will be 100% like that. SORRY BIG TEXT I WAS INSPIRED

I am definitely an Ti user, no doubts. Meaning I have a Fe somewhere.

In 2020, I was taking those famous tests that told me I was either an ENFP or an INFP, obviously. But it was in 2021 that I immersed myself in cognitive functions because being one of those two made absolutely no sense to me. And I really don't have any Fi, so much so that I suffer being the only Fe in a family with 3 Fi users in different positions. I've suffered a lot being other people's "emotional dumping ground" (Is this the correct term in English? I dunno brother, u got what i mean). Until one day I decided to simply cut out all the annoyances from my life, so much so that I ended a friendship that had literally lasted 13 years. I didn't want any trouble. it was very uncomfortable. I just wanted to be left alone. I had to pretend to be someone I'm not just because others thought I was a nerd or "not having common tastes" according to them.

YET I STILL HAVE EMPATHY

I am aware that I am not healthie right now yey. And I don't like psychologists or therapy, I didn't like it at all. They keep asking "how do you feel about this" and I DON'T KNOW. And they ask very intimate questions; I don't really like them knowing what I truly think or feel. Uncomfortable. I've always been more used to knowing how others feel. And JESUS CHRIST, I feel it and I'm aware of it, but I choose to play dumb or ignore because I can't take it anymore. Keep drama away from me.

When I started studying functions, I discovered that I have an aversion to Fi, possibly because I tolerated several unhealthy ones and noww i have lil traumas🐦. And I also don't like Fe. But I believe the reason is that I'm projecting myself onto others. But incredibly, the people I've liked the most so far they had an Fe somewhere.

At first I thought it could be INTJ, ENTP, or INTP. Or perhaps I was manipulating myself to be an INTP Because I didn't want to be one of those "sentimental" types, yes, today I see that such aversions aren't good. And I had actually convinced myself that I was an INTP because I don't have any Te traits. I've always been more of a questioner. But, yet i doubt if i got some Ne. I even started to think I might be an ISFJ, but one thing is i literally had no si. Lol. I depend on my istj mom for routines and take care of myself because I'm simply disconnected from myself physically and emotionally. And incredibly, I seem to have a mini critical mom in my brain, and kind of self-deprecating. If I'm really an INFJ, I consider that an Fi on the critic position in the shadow.

And that's precisely why I also had a strange feeling about possibly being an INTP. I don't think about multiple ideas. I have a job colleague who is one, and he's always somehow miraculously optimizing what was already optimized. (we are devs)

Then I met the daughter of a friend of my father who was also studying functions. We had interactions until I finally found out that she also liked that subject. She said she was an ISFP. I said I thought I was an INTP and she simply told me "but girl, You literally 'smell' like an Infj, u have this vibe" and me being like "i don wanna be that old man figure aaaaaaa", btw I thought only infps were more popular and mistypeds. And so the two of us went off to intensely research which one I really was. I fell into being INFJ and INTJ and I wanted to go into the INTJ phase of life or to "bring me back my intp delusion, i want to be L from death note!"

yeah that was when i was still a teenager. And even after that conversation with her, I was still intrigued by it. I couldn't focus on the "here and now" because my mind kept returning to that point. I literally spent months researching functions. So much so that I have trouble multitasking, generating ideas, or switching topics too quickly. So much so that in my current job, I take time to clear my mind of what I was thinking before in order to focus on another task. I go too deep into things, and that hinders me sometimes, Especially when I'm thinking about something that literally won't add anything, lol, and yet I'm there rambling about "but my grandma doesn't seem borderline, I think it's narcissism, make sense, but she's too old to consult, and she's already ruined what she had to ruin. Oh yea she is def narcisist, poor mom and uncles".

It's hell!

Sometimes I feel like my mind is going in circles on a specific thought and I can't rest until I can piece everything together, LIKE NOW, This leaves my brain feeling kind of heavy, like a tired muscle that's just finished working out. So much so that back then, it was only when I studied loops that it perhaps made sense to be an INFJ. Perhaps it's Ni-ti looping. But of course, I don't take everything as absolute truth. I'm always willing to "clear the board" in my mind and consider other opinions or perspectives as well. It was by considering criticism or to think from the other person's point of view that I evolved in certain areas. think and rethink think and rethink

I did a lot of research at that time. Until I was finally satisfied and gave up "oh dear, maybe i am that old man figure that looks like Dumbledore".

BUT NOOWWW

AGAIN

I was inspired to study enneagram. I identified most with number 6. Because I am suspicious, yes, I guess I'm really a NI user, I don't trust people very much. I'm always looking for ulterior motives and I walk away. I think that's been the case for as long as I can remember. But even so, I tried, "oh maybe it's just in my head, the person didn't even do anything, im just paranoic and overthing things," but after doing that many times, they proved that I was right. I like my security. But if i messed up and understood wrong? What if i just extreme like this now because I tried to step outside my comfort zone and it wasn't good? Then, what is the answer?

So I researched more and more. But I don't know that much about myself. I believe the second option I identified with most was number 5.

And I read that 5w6, under stress, 'shifts' to 7 (I don't know how to write this in English). disintegration.

and

it would make sense. Because I become even more detached and isolated from others, I become aggressive and seek distractions, becoming more of a procrastinator, and I end up leaving my room a mess and my appearance also gets worse. Sometimes I just want to sleep because I love to dream.

but then i got that question, does infjs can be 5?

I even started questioning myself AGAIN if I was an INFJ, or if I was actually an ISTP type 5.

I researched AGAIN tirelessly until I realized I might not be an ISTP because, whether I like it or not, I still have a high Fe level that I'm trying to ignore for my own mental health. And

dude my Se is pretty bad. It would be cool if i actually mistyped and be istp because tthere are some female characters that inspire me who are ISTPs. Like, Celestia Lundenberg, Krull Tepes, Megara, Mulan(?)

But then i thought, what if i am a unhealty infj with good TI development and now that i am not very well, just ignoring Fe? Would it make sense with the 5?

what if i dont even are infj at all!

Or maybe I'm a different type altogether, just still too focused on 5 and 6 to see clearly?

Maybe I'm focusing too much on one thing and not seeing other possibilities.

I thought that an opinion or analysis from an "outsider"(?) might help.

Someone help me please, otherwise I won't be able to sleep