Questioning
I was divorced in 2017, met new partner in 2021, and we blended in 2024: 14 yr old, two 17 yr olds, 19 yr old, and 22 yr old, all girls. Though there are no big fights, the kids haven't really blended, and primarily I don't think my kids feel comfortable here. My partner is the big breadwinner, and he alone bought the new house we all moved into. I am of moderate means but make it work. My partner's relationship with his two younger kids was never great, but has gotten worse; he thinks it's all because his ex-wife has been alienating them against him. But he's been divorced for 15 years, he had another live-in girlfriend before me, for 7 years, and his kids are adults now, so I'm not sure why his ex would even care anymore to "poison the well," as he says.
I feel like since we've gotten together, my relationship with my kids has gotten worse. We used to be a close trio, and now my kids sequester in their rooms and refuse my attempts to do things together, even eating dinner with me. They have told me and my mom that my partner is "fine," but it seems they tolerate him and don't really like him. I am learning, too, that he is not really family-oriented. He "can't wait" for all the kids to leave for college so we can have romantic time again. (I have full custody of my kids because my ex moved out of state).
I am beginning to think that I may never feel at ease with my kids in my own home again--it feels like it will always be his home, and we're just living in it. My kids and I are more warm and open, and his kids are a bit more cool and entitled. I know it will be easier when we're empty nesters, but I also feel like then my kids will never want to come home or feel like they have a warm home that is theirs alone. I am honestly thinking I want to unblend, get my own place, and continue to date my partner, but not blend families. Is it crazy to want to do that right when we'll become empty nesters anyway?