u/roachskiller

Im a 16M, im still just a boy and I didn't really have real sex yet but I know it will happen in the next month or so, which surprises me and I really want it but I just know in this state Im in right now I wont be getting any enjoyment or satisfaction out of it, and that is just killing me and my whole relationship, because I just cant lead a sexual life like this which I know will be important for me and is for her.. Besides her and my relationship, this problem is affecting me as a whole, it makes me asexual, because every time im doing it solo or not is a test, its judgement (not from others but from me) and don't talk about fixing this problem from the mental and psychological angle, I HAVE TO GET BETTER AND ENJOY SEX THROUGH A PHYSICAL CHANGE.. Im really stressed because I know I'll have to last long, I want to last long more than anything in this world right now and I KNOW what is the issue but it just feels impossible to overcome... I just feel like I'm completely alone with it and internet doesn't give me any specific solutions.

Before I had some issues with cortisol and my nervous system being constantly in the fight or flight mode which caused anxiety and I couldn't step out of my house but it was 3 years ago. I still have some anxiety issues some of the time but I easily can manage them and even If my body is flooded by cortisol I still keep going.

The problem is my body and the nervous system learned to clench the pelvic floor muscles and they started to do it regularly that when they finally weren't used they just contracted on their own, like the muscles were trembling.. Now I dont notice the trembling but another key thing -that I dont think is normal- is every time I touch my d or every stroke I do or every time i get a bj and she moves her mouth it just clenches, like for a second but its a feeling like my nervous system is doing mini kegels for me every stroke. And I feel lost, it got to a point where I can't control it, they just clench and contract and I can't do anything about it. I genuinely don't know what to do besides theory - reverse kegels or something and relax the muscles - but it just feels like it wont do nothing, does someone had the same issue as me and can help? I need to improve as fast as possible..

Can anyone understand what i feel..?