u/roccenz

Every time I rewatch Seasons 1 and 2, I end up feeling like Tommy's story was leading somewhere completely different. He tells Grace he wants to leave parts of that life behind and become legitimate. Later, after he's with Lizzie at the canal, he talks about using his money for charities and says he once promised someone he'd change the world. Those scenes always stay with me because they show there was another Tommy underneath everything. That's the one I kept hoping would win. Maybe if Grace had lived, things would've gone differently. Maybe the battle wasn't supposed to be about building a bigger empire, but about becoming the man he was always capable of becoming.

What made me admire Tommy was never how ruthless he became. It was the warmth he had in the beginning. Look at Danny Whizz-Bang. Tommy never stopped seeing his friend underneath the trauma. There was real brotherhood there. With John, you see it in that family meeting. Everyone laughs when John says he wants to marry Lizzie. Tommy laughs too. Even calls her a whote. Then John finally says what's really bothering him. He tells Thomas directly in his face that he needs someone. Thomas sees his younger brothers pain and helplessness.. Suddenly Tommy sees his little brother isn't talking about Lizzie anymore, he's talking about how lost he feels trying to raise four children on his own. Tommy's whole expression changes. He takes him seriously now and finds a way forward. He wants to help his younger brother. With Michael, he doesn't want him dragged into that life because he respects Polly and wants to protect her son from becoming another ruthless Shelby. Even when Michael joins the family business, you can still see Tommy trying to guide him rather than simply use him. I fancy the scene where Michael turns 18 and gives him the watch. And with Polly, there was always this quiet understanding between them. They could argue harder than anyone, but underneath it was trust, loyalty and love. Tommy listened to her because her opinion mattered to him. I loved their relation, especially early on.

Then there's Grace. I honestly think that's the heart of the whole show. The lovestory that captivated so many fans. People remember the gangsters, the suits and the one-liners, but what kept so many of us emotionally invested was the love story. Around Grace, Tommy wasn't pretending. You saw him smile differently. You saw him relax. You saw him imagine a future that wasn't just another fight. One of my favourite lines he said to Grace: «I promise no guns in the house, and Charles will never see one». To me, that's what made his character so special. For all his intelligence, ambition and strength, there was also a man who loved deeply. He had so much depth, warmth and charisma. He actually treated people as equals with humility and respect untill you showed him otherwise.. I actually think that's where his greatest qualities came from. He wanted to lift his family out of the circumstances they were in. He wanted Arthur, John, Ada and Polly to have a better life than the one they'd been given. He carried the weight of everyone because he loved them. That's why his victories meant something in those early seasons. They weren't just for him.

That's why I sometimes wish the story had gone the other way. Keep the same discipline, courage, composure, leadership and ambition, but let the love win instead of the trauma. Imagine Tommy becoming known as the man who rebuilt Birmingham, looked after veterans because he understood them better than anyone, kept his family together instead of them drifting apart, and used everything he had to give other people a better life. I honestly think that would've been an even greater legacy. Millions of people already want to be like Tommy Shelby, and I understand why. I just think the Tommy worth becoming isn't the one who slowly loses himself and becomes more ruthless and dark. It's the one we caught glimpses of in the early seasons, the man whose strength came from how deeply he cared, and who could've shown that the strongest people aren't the ones who become colder over time, but the ones who hold onto their humanity no matter what life throws at them.

In an alternative universe that’s how the story of Thomas Shelby plays out in my mind. A man worth modelling your life after and not just a ruthless gangster. We all cheered for him because we saw some of that potential in him.

I've been completely off caffeine for six months now. No coffee, no decaf, no energy drinks, not even chocolate. One thing I've learned is that we give chemicals way too much credit. Before quitting, I thought caffeine was responsible for a lot of my anxiety, restlessness, and dissatisfaction. After quitting, I realized something uncomfortable: many of those things were still there. Why? Because they weren't coming from caffeine. They were coming from my life. From problems I hadn't solved yet. From questions I hadn't answered. From obstacles I was avoiding. It's easy to point at a substance and say, "That's the reason I feel this way." Sometimes it is part of the picture. But often it's not the whole picture. I recently saw someone mention Cristiano Ronaldo as an example of a high achiever who drinks caffeine. But Ronaldo isn't Ronaldo because of caffeine. If he quit tomorrow, he'd still be disciplined, driven, ambitious, and obsessed with improvement. That's who he is. The caffeine didn't build the man. The same applies to the rest of us. Don't hand your power over to something as simple as a chemical.

Another thing I've noticed is how easy it is to replace caffeine addiction with optimization addiction. We quit caffeine because we want to become the best version of ourselves. Then we start chasing perfection. No caffeine. No alcohol. No sugar. No mistakes. Everything has to be optimized. But optimized for what? What's the finish line? You're not a machine preparing for a performance. You're a human being living a life. Good habits matter, but don't tie your value to them. If you have a coffee one day, a drink with friends, or eat something unhealthy, it doesn't erase who you are. It doesn't mean you've failed. It doesn't mean you've ruined months of progress. Some days you indulge. Some days you celebrate. Some days you simply live. That's part of being human. Life doesn't suddenly become a walk through roses after quitting caffeine. You still have to face yourself. You still have to build habits. You still have to solve your problems.

One thing I still miss sometimes is the ritual. Sitting down with a hot coffee or an energy drink and feeling that immediate sense of focus. That little ceremony before reading, writing, studying, or doing deep work. Caffeine can absolutely be a useful tool. I don't think it's black and white. The difference is that without caffeine, motivation is no longer handed to you upfront. When I sit down to read now, it often feels boring and uninspiring for the first 20 minutes. But if the topic genuinely interests me, something happens. I become immersed. The motivation appears after I begin, not before. The enjoyment comes from the work itself rather than from a stimulant. And that's one of the most rewarding parts of being caffeine-free. The dopamine comes from the book, the learning, the thinking, the creating.. not from a molecule. It's harder. Sometimes much harder. But when the spark finally arrives, it feels like something I created myself. At the same time, I don't think caffeine is evil. Used intentionally, maybe once a week for a focused work session or a reflective morning, it can be a tool. The mistake is believing that the tool is the source of your power. Your ability to focus, create, think, and grow belongs to you. The caffeine may amplify it, but it didn't create it. Don't hand over your power to something external.

Sometimes I think about all the beauty in the world that no one will ever see.

Not just a little of it.

Most of it.

Maybe an eagle is gliding high above the mountains as the sun rises. The valleys are still covered in mist. The rivers catch the morning light and glow like silver. The world below is completely silent.

For a few moments, everything is perfect.

The eagle sees it.

Nobody else does.

Or maybe somewhere deep in a jungle, a jaguar is resting on a branch high above the forest floor. The air is warm. The jungle hums with life. You can hear insects in the distance. Birds calling to one another. Leaves moving softly in the wind.

Then the sun begins to set.

Golden light pours through the canopy.

The entire jungle glows.

For a brief moment, it feels as if the forest itself is alive in a way that is impossible to describe. You can feel it's heartbeat.

The jaguar sees it.

Nobody else does.

No photograph is taken.

No painting is made.

No story is told.

The moment arrives and leaves as quietly as it came.

Yet it happened.

The same with a flower blooming somewhere no one will ever walk. It opens itself to the sun. It becomes everything it was meant to be. Then one day it fades away.

Sometimes when I think about things like that, I just sit with it for a while.

Because a part of me feels that beauty deserves a witness.

That something so beautiful should be seen.

And yet another part of me wonders if that thought only belongs to us.

The flower never knew it was alone.

The eagle never cared who was watching.

The jungle never asked to be remembered.

Still, I can't help but think about all those moments that appeared in full perfection and disappeared forever.

The sunrises.

The sunsets.

The flowers.

The hidden valleys.

The views from above the clouds.

All of it happening, all the time.

Seen by almost no one.

And somehow there is something beautiful about that too.