▲ 439 r/Jokes

A conspiracy theorist dies and goes to heaven

God tells him, "Since you've led such a pure and noble life, is there any earthly questions I can answer before you join your family in paradise?"

The man thinks and says, "I've always wondered who really killed JFK."

God responds, "It was Lee Harvey Oswald, acting alone, using his own rifle, with no accomplices."

The man ponders God's response and replies, "Damn... I never realized how high up this conspiracy goes..."

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u/roger--wilco — 8 hours ago
▲ 59 r/SGU

JFK conspiracy

I thought fellow SGU fans would enjoy this one.

A man dies and goes to heaven, and God tells him, "Since you've led such a pure and noble life, is there any earthly questions I can answer before you join your family in paradise?"

The man thinks for a moment and says, "I've always wondered who really killed JFK."

God responds, "It was Lee Harvey Oswald, acting alone, using his own rifle, with no accomplices."

The man ponders God's response and replies, "Damn... I never realized how high up this conspiracy goes..."

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u/roger--wilco — 8 hours ago

Irene Landry had the funniest line on the show

Jimmy and Kim were yitzing Howard harder than ever before in that sandpiper meeting and everyone thinks he's on drugs as he vehemently accuses the judge of taking bribes in the park, when Irene turns to Cliff and asks, "Is this how these things usually go?" I was dying laughing thinking that Irene, new to the situation, was wondering if these settlement meetings always include this type of insane, paranoid yitizing and criminal accusations toward the mediator.

That was a great balance for Irene who also had the saddest scene in the show as well, when she cries to Jimmy about losing all her friends. I sort of missed Irene by the point of the mediation meeting and was delighted to see her come back and deliver the funniest one-liner in the series.

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u/roger--wilco — 9 days ago

Mike should have stolen the Kettlemans' sack of money

Mike's best available play in the series was when he got hold of the Kettleman bag of $1.5 million. In that moment he could have solved his family's money problems while only screwing over three unethical people. As Jimmy pointed out to the kettlemans, none of the three could have gone to the cops or else they would all go to jail. Jimmy even thanks him for not taking the money to the Bahamas, knowing Mike could have totally gotten away with it. Had he done that he would have avoided his encounters with Fring, the legacy people, heisenberg, basically all the bad shit that unfolded could have been avoided by absconding with that bag. Mrs. Kettleman was content to tell people in trial that there was no money and keep telling that story for the rest of her life to avoid jailtime for Craig and herself (for bribing Jimmy). Jimmy would have no way of reporting Mike without severely incriminating himself for bribery and theft, and would have been left with little recourse but to try (and most likely lose) the case in court. Which would have been a legal black eye for Jimmy but would have undoubtedly been a better outcome for Jimmy as well.

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u/roger--wilco — 2 months ago

Was Howard ever the asshole Jimmy and Kim painted him out to be?

Rewatching the series with the knowledge that Chuck was behind Howard's initial assholery, I was hard pressed to find any flaw with Howard's behavior toward those two. Even in the moment that turned Kim against him (accusing her of having a Jimmy problem) he was entirely accurate according to Kim's own admission. He turned the other cheek to Jimmy countless times and was still willing to offer him a job after the hooker and bowling ball incidents. He wrote Chuck's obituary knowing Jimmy wouldn't do it, then ran it by him for approval. He set up that boxing match to let Jimmy get it out of his system. If anything, Howard himself seemed to have a Jimmy problem, and his willingness to overlook Jimmy's massive flaws is what ultimately caused his demise. I can't really pinpoint any moment when he wasn't a generally upstanding fellow, even goes out of pocket to save the firm from Chuck's wrath.

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u/roger--wilco — 2 months ago

Did Lalo appear in BB or is he a retrofit for the "Did Lalo send you" line?

In watching Breaking Bad again I was surprised that Saul said, "Did Lalo send you?" when Walter threatens to kill him after their first meeting. That was written years before BCS was even conceived, no?

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u/roger--wilco — 2 months ago

What makes Dominic an historian but not Tom?

What are the bonefides that Tom is missing that cause sources to refer to Dominic as an historian but Tom as an author? For example this entry https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Goalhanger "In November 2020, the company launched The Rest Is History, hosted by historian Dominic Sandbrook and author Tom Holland." Even on their own wikipedia entries, Dominic is referred to as an historian while Tom's entry adds the modifier "popular historian." Is it Dom's thesis on Eugene McCarthy that throws him into the realm of full historian legitimacy?

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u/roger--wilco — 3 months ago

The Dan Carlin quotes

I found it interesting that the boys (presumably unintentionally) ended up pulling a lot of the same quotes from the same sources as Dan did in Blueprint for Armageddon. Specifically, the Ernst Junger excerpts about "the god of pain" and the comparison of shell fire to "being menaced by a man with a large hammer" while being tied up to a post. Having listened to the Carlin podcasts at least five times each, those quotes were burned into my memory, even the way Dan delivered them in his hardcore quote voice.

I found it fascinating that they all zeroed in on those specific quotes, of all the possible quotes in Storm of Steel (and I feel like there was at least one other source where I recognized a quote but I can't remember exactly). I remember Carlin calling Junger "the veteran's veteran" and also remarking, as Dom did, on how much Junger actually loved his experience.

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u/roger--wilco — 3 months ago