u/roxxyantoinette

I genuinely can’t tell anymore if I’m depressed or if my life is just objectively overwhelming, so I wanted outside perspective from other adults/parents/workers.

I’m 26, married, and have a toddler. I work full time in retail with all closing shifts (2:30-11pm) My schedule is 40 hours a week, but the part that’s killing me is the commute/logistics. Because of childcare arrangements with family, I spend about 10-15 extra unpaid hours a week driving and coordinating drop offs/pickups. My husband and I live 45 minutes away from any job we could possibly get (we live in a remote area in a national forest) and we carpool into town for work together with our son.

So from 12pm-1:30 every day, we’re all showering and getting ready for work (including getting my son bathed, clothed, teeth brushed etc) which is a lot of rushing around.
1:30-2:15pm we commute to my husbands job, and I drop my husband and son off at my husbands job. My in laws work at the same place as my husband so when they get off of work they take my son home with them (also 45 minutes away in the forest!)
2:15-2:30 I commute from my husbands job to my own job, in peak traffic
2:30-11pm I work an evening shift in produce at a grocery store
11-11:15pm I have to rush back to my husbands job, and get him in the car as soon as possible and rush him out of work because his dad, my FIL, stays up waiting for us to come pick up our kid in the middle of the night from their house because they have to work in the morning.
11:15-12:30am is a 45 minute commute home, going to my in laws house, waking up my son, driving back home, fighting to get him to actually go back to bed and do a whole second bedtime routine.
Then FINALLY, around 12:30pm every night, my husband and I can finally eat our dinner and sit and watch an episode of tv.
We typically sleep from 2am-8am and wake up to the sound of my son screaming.
Most work days end up taking basically my entire day. I’m paid for 8 hours, but the extra daily ritual that comes with getting to and from work and getting childcare adds another 3-4 hours of unpaid work daily.

On top of that:
- we’re dealing with debt and financial stress
- I’m trying to help run a small environmental education nonprofit/passion project on the side
- I’m trying to improve my health/lose weight
- trying to maintain my marriage/family relationships
- having small tit-for-tat arguments with my in laws often about running the nonprofit, often while I’m at work because they’re at home texting me. Or just general pressure about work needing to get done by my FIL.
- trying to eventually go back to school
- trying to keep up with house responsibilities and parenting

Lately I feel exhausted literally all the time. I’ve lost interest in a lot of things, I feel emotionally numb/irritable, my concentration sucks, I want to sleep constantly, and even minor tasks feel overwhelming. I’ve also started isolating more because I feel like I have nothing left to give anyone.

At the same time, part of me feels guilty for struggling because technically I’m “functioning.” I still go to work, take care of my son, pay bills, etc.

I guess I’m asking:
Does this sound like a normal level of exhaustion for this stage of life, or does this sound more like depression/burnout?

I honestly can’t tell anymore what’s considered “average hard” versus “this is too much for one person.”