Holaa soy de caba busco gente con intereses similares , me gusta el dibujo digital, las manualidades ,leer. Ultimamente me pinto socializar mas, asi que tengo ganas de salir o hablar con gente nueva.
Hey everyone, sorry if there are any mistakes or if something doesn't make sense, English isn't my first language.
I just needed to vent a little and maybe get some advice.
I recently realized I've been living in a dissociative state my whole life. It never seemed strange to me because I never gave it much thought, I just got comments sometimes about how I'd stay completely still for long periods (it was noticeable, but never enough for anyone to take me to a psychologist or get me help, since I was still functional).
Everything fell apart when I started university. I had to pay attention in class and retain/memorize information, but my dissociation gives me really bad short-term memory. Basically, I couldn't keep up no matter how many hours I studied on my own (plus I had terrible exam anxiety). I had several breakdowns because I didn't know what was wrong with me, and I fell into depression. That's what finally made me start seeing a psychologist.
I've been in therapy for 3 years, and now I'm finally "waking up", but it's brought a ton of anxiety with it. Suddenly I'm noticing everything, beating myself up over all the lost time, comparing myself to others... basically, I'm becoming painfully aware of my reality.
My psychologist says this is normal and part of the process, but since I'm clearly struggling with anxiety, I'm starting psychiatric treatment soon.
Honestly, I'm just so tired of feeling like I'm stuck in the same place with no progress. I don't see any achievements in my life at all.
I was starting to socialize, but lately I've been isolating myself again and ruining everything. I've even thought about ending my life because I don't want to live like this forever, like a failure who's completely lost.