I don't fit in anywhere
I'm an IVF long hauler and don't know where I fit in. It's kind of compounding the trauma I already have from IVF and infertility. I don't fit in with a lot of peers and colleagues my age because I don't have children. Often colleagues etc., will ask me if I have kids as a way to build rapport and make small talk, and because I don't, the conversation just comes to a lull or they make some unintentionally insensitive comment.
But now I've come to realize I don't fit into online infertility groups either, and it's making me feel even more isolated than I already do. I felt like I kept stepping on tripwire with all the triggers and unwritten rules in a couple of the groups. I kept saying the wrong things, using the “wrong” terms, and getting corrected or called out. I felt ashamed and embarrassed and left. Like it's not a club anyone wants to be part of, yet I don't even fit into that.
I was recently banned from a sub where I’d been quite active (first time in 6 years on Reddit). That whole experience kind of sealed it for me. I'll always admit when I'm wrong, but I will also stand up for myself when I (and others) am being treated unfairly.
My therapist has recommended a few times joining an infertility support group IRL, but because of these experiences, I'm too afraid. I'm afraid of saying the wrong things. I'm afraid of not fitting in. I'm afraid of making my trauma worse, and maybe even other's trauma worse.
I guess I’m just looking to hear from anyone who’s felt similarly out of place. And if anyone has had good experiences with in-person or virtual fertility support groups, I’d really appreciate hearing about that too.