Hiring a helper to care for baby.
Hi fellow parents of Reddit,
I gave birth to my baby girl in June, and as first-time parents, my husband and I are still learning how to care for a newborn. Even though we tried to learn as much as possible from our confinement nanny before she left, there are still times when we struggle to soothe our baby despite feeding her, changing her diaper, and trying all the usual comforting methods.
Both my husband and I work full-time and will eventually have to return to the work. After much discussion, we decided to hire a helper instead of sending our baby to infant care because our jobs require us to be well-rested and focused. Sleep deprivation from night caregiving isn’t really an option, especially for my husband, who rides a motorcycle to work and needs to stay alert for his own safety.
We hired an experienced helper whose main responsibility is to care for our baby, including night duties. During the interview, we were very clear about the job scope, and she was comfortable with it. She has raised her own children in Indonesia and is very confident in caring for babies.
So far, we counted ourselves lucky as our helper has been wonderful with our daughter. She is patient, experienced, and genuinely seems to know what she’s doing. Even so, I can’t help feeling anxious.
My biggest concerns are:
- Trust and safety. No matter how capable she is, she’s still someone we didn’t know before, and I sometimes worry about my baby’s safety when baby is alone with the helper at home
- Bonding. Since I’ll be at work most of the day and only get to spend time with my baby in the evenings, I’m worried that she’ll become more attached to our helper than to me. I know it may sound irrational, but the thought of my daughter seeing the helper as her primary caregiver—or even calling her “mama” one day—really breaks my heart.
I’d really appreciate hearing from parents who have been in a similar situation. How did you cope with these worries? What did you do to ensure your baby’s safety while building trust with your helper? And how did you deal with the guilt of not being the one caring for your baby most of the time?
Really appreciate and thank you in advance for sharing your experiences.
P.S. My husband and I don’t have a village of family or relatives to lean on for help. Since we both need to continue working and can’t afford to lose either source of income, hiring a helper was the only practical option for us.