Does this sound like anxiety, OCD, or something else?
I’m not looking for a diagnosis, just wondering if anyone has experienced something similar or has any idea what this pattern might point toward.
About a year ago, after watching a lot of violent content, including serial killer videos and one particularly disturbing gore video, I started having an intense fear that someone was going to kill me.
I stopped watching that kind of content, and the fear has improved a lot since then, but it never completely went away.
The strange part is that the person I’m afraid of changes depending on who I’ve recently had conflict with. My brain comes up with logical scenarios for why that specific person could hurt me, but the underlying fear is always the same.
The fear is almost entirely at night when I’m trying to sleep.
I constantly feel the need to check my surroundings. If I’m lying on one side, I keep looking behind me because I feel like someone could be there. I sometimes avoid certain sleeping positions because they feel “safer.”
The thing is, I know these thoughts are irrational. I don’t actually believe someone is hiding there, but I still feel compelled to check repeatedly. Even after checking and seeing that nobody is there, the fear doesn’t really go away. I either check again or force myself to ignore it.
I don’t usually have panic attacks or a racing heart. It’s more like a persistent intrusive thought that keeps coming back.
Has anyone experienced something similar? If so, what did it end up being? OCD, anxiety, hypervigilance, trauma related, or something else? And what helped you get over it?