This is possibly nuts, but how many of you are children of parents who are themselves enmeshed with their parents?
I'm a daughter of a dad who was too enmeshed with his family of origin/parents and his sisters to ever show up fully in his marriage to my mom, but perhaps more painfully to even show up as a dad in my childhood. We're healing now but only after I essentially became a wreck of a person as a direct result of how I was parented by both my parents, and he didn't see the light until I got big enough and no longer cute that my aunties started going after me too.
I still carry the pain of feeling second, third, fourth best after so many adult women (mom, sisters, my own mom) and it feels a little bit humiliating that something as precious as being a child wasn't held as precious as it should be. I hate that I can relate to women who talk about being married to MEM (similar behaviors/attitudes) even as a daughter. Even after my dad changed, it was only after I was well into adulthood and so I was left feeling like the kid version of me still wasn't worth trying for and that I had to perform my pain in order for it to be heard.
I'm not sure if I'm articulating myself, but basically it's the pain of generational enmeshment that I can clearly see. Not only did I experience direct enmeshment before but I also had to carry the pain of being overshadowed by my own parent's enmeshment.